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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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A short story padded. A species of composition bearing the same relation to literature that the panorama bears to art. As it is too long to be read at a sitting the impressions made by its successive parts are successively effaced, as in the pa (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. A desiccated epigram (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
POSITIVISM- A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
RITE, n. A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Homo Creator’s testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
A trite popular saying, or proverb. (Figurative and colloquial.) So called because it makes its way into a wooden head. Following are examples of old saws fitted with new teeth (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that - stone walls do not a prison make (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
PLENIPOTENTIARY, adj. Having full power. A Minister Plenipotentiary is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert it (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
REVOLUTION, n. A bursting of the boilers which usually takes place when the safety valve of public discussion is closed (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is commonly dead (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ’s tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)