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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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![PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] reading character in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word dupe Picture Quote #1](https://img.picturequotes.com/2/978/977212/977212.webp "PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] reading character in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word dupe Picture Quote #1")
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Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Snow pursued by the wind is not wholly unlike a retreating army. In the open field it ranges itself in ranks and battalions; where it can get a foothold it makes a stand; where it can take cover it does so. You may see whole platoons of snow cowering behind a bit of broken wall (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
SACRED, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as... the Cow in India; the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar tumble-bug. It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague today . . . is merely Nature’s fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
We must stop chasing dollars, stop lying, stop cheating, stop ignoring art, literature, and all the refining agencies and instrumentalities of civilization. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Finance is the art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection’s failure to substitute misrule for bad government. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can’t let go. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author’s contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure competitor. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Potable, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Edible - good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Enthusiasm, n. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] reading character in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word dupe. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Scriptures - The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)