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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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House, n. A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Back, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection’s failure to substitute misrule for bad government (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Err, v. I. To believe or act in a way contrary to my beliefs and actions (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Forefinger, n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Genuine, adj. Real, veritable, as, a genuine counterfeit, genuine hypocrisy, etc (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Immigrant, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Calamity, n... Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Overwork, n. A dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Don’t steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Mammals: a family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Hospitality, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Land: A part of the Earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Academe, n. : An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n. : A modern school where football is taught (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Clairvoyant, n. : A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Education, n. : That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)