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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. Mind, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Contempt; the feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
House, n. A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Back, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Err, v. I. To believe or act in a way contrary to my beliefs and actions (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Forefinger, n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Genuine, adj. Real, veritable, as, a genuine counterfeit, genuine hypocrisy, etc (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Immigrant, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Don’t steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Clairvoyant, n. : A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known by numbers, which also seem inadequate distinctions (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)
No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war (Ambrose Bierce Quotes)