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Amy Schumer Quotes

I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will Picture Quote #1

I completely identify as female, believe it or not Picture Quote #1

Don’t feel bad for me. I think I’m, like, so pretty Picture Quote #1

I’m not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time Picture Quote #1

I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can’t imagine a time when I won’t want to do that. But, who knows? Picture Quote #1

The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn’t it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can’t afford Picture Quote #1

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We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear Picture Quote #1

Comedy isn’t really something where you get discovered. You can’t network your way to being funny or talented. It’s not hard to get seen if you’re funny. If you’re funny, talented, and work hard, you will go somewhere Picture Quote #1

I’ll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, ‘You guys, I’m keeping this one.’ Picture Quote #1

I’m not sure I’d classify any topics as off-limits, but I don’t look for new territories to offend. There’s my joke about when my roommate beat cancer. People talk about cancer survivors like they’re warriors, but from where I was sitting, she was just watching television and eating soup. Like, did she go to war? No. She kind of just sat around Picture Quote #1

My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wiseass, so I think the mixture of the two of them is my comedy. But, I am definitely the first comedian in my family Picture Quote #1

Stand-up is not something that you’re good at right away. You have to do it a ton. But, I think I got to shave a year off because I didn’t have to get over stage fright Picture Quote #1

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The girls that I grew up with, and my friends and I, we just never had interests in common. I loved comedy. I loved Saturday Night Live, Gilda Radner, Lucille Ball, and Goldie Hawn movies. I just wanted to laugh. I liked women in comedy, and I liked male comics as I got a little older. My interests just never matched up with other girls’ Picture Quote #1

I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I’m not trying to make headlines. I’m just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh Picture Quote #1

I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It’s not true. I’m right where I should be Picture Quote #1

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I’ve never woken up and been like, ‘What is this Pilates mat doing out?’ Picture Quote #1

It was the best night of my life, getting to dance on stage with Madonna! Picture Quote #1

I was actually on two reality shows, which is crazy. Just to think that, out there, there was some guy, like flipping through the channels, being like, ‘Hey, I 69’d her on a cruise ship Picture Quote #1

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I’ve always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don’t say anything for shock value Picture Quote #1

To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you’re saying to people Picture Quote #1

Let’s all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up Picture Quote #1

I’m not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time Picture Quote #1

My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college Picture Quote #1

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes Picture Quote #1

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I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don’t think you can rise much above that Picture Quote #1

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I’m drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque Picture Quote #1

I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn’t play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album! Picture Quote #1

To me, feminism means equality between men and women. I want to make people laugh and also point out some injustices or inequalities I see Picture Quote #1

I’ve done some things I’m embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they’re unsure about Picture Quote #1

I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It’s not true. I’m right where I should be Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will (Amy Schumer Quotes) I completely identify as female, believe it or not (Amy Schumer Quotes) Don’t feel bad for me. I think I’m, like, so pretty (Amy Schumer Quotes) I’m not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time. (Amy Schumer Quotes) I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can’t imagine a time when I won’t want to do that. But, who knows? (Amy Schumer Quotes) The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn’t it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can’t afford. (Amy Schumer Quotes) We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear (Amy Schumer Quotes) Comedy isn’t really something where you get discovered. You can’t network your way to being funny or talented. It’s not hard to get seen if you’re funny. If you’re funny, talented, and work hard, you will go somewhere. (Amy Schumer Quotes) I’ll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, ‘You guys, I’m keeping this one.’ (Amy Schumer Quotes) I’m not sure I’d classify any topics as off-limits, but I don’t look for new territories to offend. There’s my joke about when my roommate beat cancer. People talk about cancer survivors like they’re warriors, but from where I was sitting, she was just watching television and eating soup. Like, did she go to war? No. She kind of just sat around (Amy Schumer Quotes) My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wiseass, so I think the mixture of the two of them is my comedy. But, I am definitely the first comedian in my family (Amy Schumer Quotes) Stand-up is not something that you’re good at right away. You have to do it a ton. But, I think I got to shave a year off because I didn’t have to get over stage fright (Amy Schumer Quotes) The girls that I grew up with, and my friends and I, we just never had interests in common. I loved comedy. I loved Saturday Night Live, Gilda Radner, Lucille Ball, and Goldie Hawn movies. I just wanted to laugh. I liked women in comedy, and I liked male comics as I got a little older. My interests just never matched up with other girls’ (Amy Schumer Quotes) I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I’m not trying to make headlines. I’m just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh. (Amy Schumer Quotes) I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It’s not true. I’m right where I should be. (Amy Schumer Quotes) Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I’ve never woken up and been like, ‘What is this Pilates mat doing out?’ (Amy Schumer Quotes) It was the best night of my life, getting to dance on stage with Madonna! (Amy Schumer Quotes) I was actually on two reality shows, which is crazy. Just to think that, out there, there was some guy, like flipping through the channels, being like, ‘Hey, I 69’d her on a cruise ship. (Amy Schumer Quotes) I’ve always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don’t say anything for shock value. (Amy Schumer Quotes) To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you’re saying to people. (Amy Schumer Quotes) Let’s all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up (Amy Schumer Quotes) I’m not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time (Amy Schumer Quotes) My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college (Amy Schumer Quotes) I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes (Amy Schumer Quotes) I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don’t think you can rise much above that (Amy Schumer Quotes) You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I’m drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque (Amy Schumer Quotes) I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn’t play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album! (Amy Schumer Quotes) To me, feminism means equality between men and women. I want to make people laugh and also point out some injustices or inequalities I see (Amy Schumer Quotes) I’ve done some things I’m embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they’re unsure about (Amy Schumer Quotes) I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It’s not true. I’m right where I should be (Amy Schumer Quotes)

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