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Andy Borowitz Quotes

If you are friends with the wrong people, Google autocorrects them Picture Quote #1

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn’t have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn Picture Quote #1

I’ve invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world and defriend people one by one Picture Quote #1

I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart Picture Quote #1

A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you’re poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog Picture Quote #1

Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let’s take a harder look at electricity and soap Picture Quote #1

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Didn’t we settle contraception and affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they’ll soon be debating slavery Picture Quote #1

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death Picture Quote #1

The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn’t cut food stamps; and b) they didn’t oppose every law regulating guns Picture Quote #1

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel Picture Quote #1

Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years Picture Quote #1

Next time someone says, ‘Where has big government ever gotten us?’ the correct answer is ‘Mars.’ Picture Quote #1

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Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that Picture Quote #1

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard Picture Quote #1

Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted Picture Quote #1

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help Picture Quote #1

The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there Picture Quote #1

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun Picture Quote #1

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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads Picture Quote #1

Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let’s take a harder look at electricity and soap Picture Quote #1

The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about Picture Quote #1

It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that Picture Quote #1

Maybe I’m a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun Picture Quote #1

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

If you are friends with the wrong people, Google autocorrects them (Andy Borowitz Quotes) If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn’t have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn (Andy Borowitz Quotes) I’ve invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world and defriend people one by one. (Andy Borowitz Quotes) I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart (Andy Borowitz Quotes) A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you’re poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let’s take a harder look at electricity and soap. (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Didn’t we settle contraception and affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they’ll soon be debating slavery. (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death (Andy Borowitz Quotes) The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn’t cut food stamps; and b) they didn’t oppose every law regulating guns (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Next time someone says, ‘Where has big government ever gotten us?’ the correct answer is ‘Mars.’ (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help (Andy Borowitz Quotes) The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun (Andy Borowitz Quotes) It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let’s take a harder look at electricity and soap (Andy Borowitz Quotes) The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about (Andy Borowitz Quotes) It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Maybe I’m a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun (Andy Borowitz Quotes) Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one (Andy Borowitz Quotes)