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Argus Hamilton Quotes

Fox News reported Thursday that Bill Clinton can’t get into any of New York’s better golf and country clubs. Not one member has been willing to sponsor him. So it’s official, he really is America’s first black president Picture Quote #1
President Obama hosted lawmakers Thursday saying he wanted bipartisan input on health care reform. Nobody’s mind was changed. At the summit’s end he threatened to go with the nuclear option, showing he’s tougher on Republicans than he is on Iran Picture Quote #1
Anne Marie Smith flew to Washington to tell prosecutors about Gary Condit’s attempt to get her to deny their affair. It looks bad. If it’s found he lied about the intern and the mistresses, he could get 4-8 years in the White House Picture Quote #1
Jenna Bush was cited for underage drinking in Austin Friday. Her dad warned her that too much partying at school could cost her a good career. At $400,000, he’s making the lowest salary of any of his Yale classmates Picture Quote #1
President Obama hosted a state dinner for British Prime Minister David Cameron. The president and the British are getting along a lot better lately. They love to compare notes on ways the Tea Party’s always trying to overthrow their rule in America Picture Quote #1
Hillary Clinton began a New York thank-you tour Friday by calling for the abolition of the Electoral College. No wonder Arkansas never liked her. She hasn’t been in office three days and already she’s an abolitionist Picture Quote #1
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Michael Moore announced that his next documentary film will attack the health care industry in America. He’s not out to get the pharmaceutical companies. He’s just looking for something to relieve the redness in the center of the country Picture Quote #1
Secret Service agents detained an Iowa man with a gun who happened to be walking in a Des Moines park where President Bush was jogging. Were they out of their minds? White guys with guns put Bush in the White House Picture Quote #1
President Bush paid homage Wednesday to World War II veterans of Normandy at the D-Day Memorial. Later that night, his twin daughters paid a special tribute to World War II veterans of the Pacific. They each downed two kamikazes Picture Quote #1
It’s a new era at Disney. From now on, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs will be known as Person of No Color and the Seven Vertically Challenged Individuals Picture Quote #1
Tennis legend Bjorn Borg appeared in a Swedish TV ad urging Swedes to have more sex to solve the country’s falling birth rate. America can help. This is a perfect opportunity to name Jesse Jackson ambassador to Sweden Picture Quote #1
The Country Music Awards were held Wednesday night at Universal City. The best country songs are always about drinking and guns and love gone wrong. Next year they’re giving Robert Blake the Lifetime Achievement Award Picture Quote #1
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Senate Democrats vowed Sunday to kill President Bush’s energy plan. They think this is their ticket back to the White House in 2004. All they have to do now is figure out a way to get cars to run on beautiful pictures of Alaska Picture Quote #1
CBS News on Tuesday had Bob Kerrey in a Vietnam scandal, Senator Bob Torricelli in a donor scandal and Arnold Schwarzenegger in a sex scandal. This confirms what we always knew. Bill Clinton does the work of three men Picture Quote #1
Walter Mondale once said God has no place in American politics and it turned out that God felt the same way about Walter Mondale Picture Quote #1
Jesse Ventura took American politics and raised it to the level of professional wrestling Picture Quote #1
Hillary Clinton flew with President Bush to New York City on Tuesday. She was amazed at the changes aboard Air Force One. For eight years she believed that flight attendants couldn’t wear clothes because it made the plane too heavy Picture Quote #1
The Columbus Day Parade was held Monday in New York. Columbus was the world’s first Democrat. He left not knowing where he was going, arrived not knowing where he was, went home not knowing where he had been, and he did it all on government money Picture Quote #1
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No wonder we keep testing positive in their bicycle races. Everyone looks like they’re full of testosterone when they’re surrounded by Frenchmen Picture Quote #1
The surest way to wake up and smell the roses every day is to go to sleep face down in the flower bed Picture Quote #1
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Text Quotes
Fox News reported Thursday that Bill Clinton can’t get into any of New York’s better golf and country clubs. Not one member has been willing to sponsor him. So it’s official, he really is America’s first black president.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) President Obama hosted lawmakers Thursday saying he wanted bipartisan input on health care reform. Nobody’s mind was changed. At the summit’s end he threatened to go with the nuclear option, showing he’s tougher on Republicans than he is on Iran.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) Anne Marie Smith flew to Washington to tell prosecutors about Gary Condit’s attempt to get her to deny their affair. It looks bad. If it’s found he lied about the intern and the mistresses, he could get 4-8 years in the White House.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) Jenna Bush was cited for underage drinking in Austin Friday. Her dad warned her that too much partying at school could cost her a good career. At $400,000, he’s making the lowest salary of any of his Yale classmates.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) President Obama hosted a state dinner for British Prime Minister David Cameron. The president and the British are getting along a lot better lately. They love to compare notes on ways the Tea Party’s always trying to overthrow their rule in America.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) Hillary Clinton began a New York thank-you tour Friday by calling for the abolition of the Electoral College. No wonder Arkansas never liked her. She hasn’t been in office three days and already she’s an abolitionist.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) Michael Moore announced that his next documentary film will attack the health care industry in America. He’s not out to get the pharmaceutical companies. He’s just looking for something to relieve the redness in the center of the country.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) Secret Service agents detained an Iowa man with a gun who happened to be walking in a Des Moines park where President Bush was jogging. Were they out of their minds? White guys with guns put Bush in the White House.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) President Bush paid homage Wednesday to World War II veterans of Normandy at the D-Day Memorial. Later that night, his twin daughters paid a special tribute to World War II veterans of the Pacific. They each downed two kamikazes.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) It’s a new era at Disney. From now on, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs will be known as Person of No Color and the Seven Vertically Challenged Individuals.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) Tennis legend Bjorn Borg appeared in a Swedish TV ad urging Swedes to have more sex to solve the country’s falling birth rate. America can help. This is a perfect opportunity to name Jesse Jackson ambassador to Sweden.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) The Country Music Awards were held Wednesday night at Universal City. The best country songs are always about drinking and guns and love gone wrong. Next year they’re giving Robert Blake the Lifetime Achievement Award.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) Senate Democrats vowed Sunday to kill President Bush’s energy plan. They think this is their ticket back to the White House in 2004. All they have to do now is figure out a way to get cars to run on beautiful pictures of Alaska.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) CBS News on Tuesday had Bob Kerrey in a Vietnam scandal, Senator Bob Torricelli in a donor scandal and Arnold Schwarzenegger in a sex scandal. This confirms what we always knew. Bill Clinton does the work of three men.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) Walter Mondale once said God has no place in American politics and it turned out that God felt the same way about Walter Mondale.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) Jesse Ventura took American politics and raised it to the level of professional wrestling  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) Hillary Clinton flew with President Bush to New York City on Tuesday. She was amazed at the changes aboard Air Force One. For eight years she believed that flight attendants couldn’t wear clothes because it made the plane too heavy.  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) The Columbus Day Parade was held Monday in New York. Columbus was the world’s first Democrat. He left not knowing where he was going, arrived not knowing where he was, went home not knowing where he had been, and he did it all on government money  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) No wonder we keep testing positive in their bicycle races. Everyone looks like they’re full of testosterone when they’re surrounded by Frenchmen  (Argus Hamilton Quotes) The surest way to wake up and smell the roses every day is to go to sleep face down in the flower bed  (Argus Hamilton Quotes)