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Artie Lange Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative (Artie Lange Quotes)
If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row (Artie Lange Quotes)
Don’t do drugs to be cool, do ‘em because you hate yourself (Artie Lange Quotes)
I have a bad gambling problem. You’re not in show business for 12 years and dress like this without a bad gambling problem. (Artie Lange Quotes)
It’s a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I’m fine with the card I got. I’m gonna play this (Artie Lange Quotes)
Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it’s funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something’s funny and you’re the subject of it, sometimes it’s more offensive. If someone’s insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot (Artie Lange Quotes)
When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy’s stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, ‘cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either (Artie Lange Quotes)
When you did impressions on ‘MADtv,’ the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character’s catchphrases recorded on a loop. You’d wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy (Artie Lange Quotes)
At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota (Artie Lange Quotes)
As a child, as far as I was concerned, my dad had an amazing job, and we had all the money we needed. My life was so fun and carefree that I didn’t realize at all that we weren’t rich - until I met someone rich. Still, I’ve never met a rich kid who grew up as happy as I did (Artie Lange Quotes)
All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once you’re laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what I’m saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred (Artie Lange Quotes)
Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there’s 18 websites that predict my early death. (Artie Lange Quotes)
To tell you the truth, there are all these websites predicting my early death, and it’s starting to work on me! (Artie Lange Quotes)
But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything. (Artie Lange Quotes)
In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman’s 40th birthday party, it’s a retirement party. (Artie Lange Quotes)
A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don’t realize this, he’s a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he’d ground out to second for him. (Artie Lange Quotes)
I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won’t say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro (Artie Lange Quotes)
For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer’s kid’s bar mitzvah. (Artie Lange Quotes)
Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that’s as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut. (Artie Lange Quotes)
Howard’s unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me. (Artie Lange Quotes)
It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn’t the greatest looking guy in the world. (Artie Lange Quotes)
Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from ‘SNL’ and the other from ‘The Chris Rock Show’ . The only award I have is an FM-mmy. (Artie Lange Quotes)
The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons. (Artie Lange Quotes)
I’m like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you’re with, girlfriends and stuff, are like, ‘God I wish I had the person on stage to be with all the time.’ (Artie Lange Quotes)
I’ve never been swimming, and that’s because it’s never been more than half an hour since I last ate. (Artie Lange Quotes)
Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time (Artie Lange Quotes)
‘Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty (Artie Lange Quotes)
When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs (Artie Lange Quotes)
The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent (Artie Lange Quotes)
Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that (Artie Lange Quotes)
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