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Aziz Ansari Quotes

Fiddling knobs, touching keys, having fun with a full grown man Picture Quote #1

You don’t know Jay-Z’s scedule. He’s a renaissance man Picture Quote #1

I prefer being totally sober myself Picture Quote #1

I think absurdist humor is funny Picture Quote #1

It’s the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing Picture Quote #1

Yeah, I’ve been a little down. Totally natural. I’m getting a divorce, but now I’m ready to pull myself up by some G-strings Picture Quote #1

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I’m like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it’s like, OK, he’s in there Picture Quote #1

I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What’s hot, DJ Roomba! Picture Quote #1

I always hate telling my jokes in print ‘cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, ‘Oh, so that’s what that guy does in his stand-up? That’s terrible.’ Picture Quote #1

You’ve got to be pretty confident that you’re good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I’ll be like, ‘Wow, those people are weird’ Picture Quote #1

I’ve never done online dating Picture Quote #1

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The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff Picture Quote #1

I have an amazing metabolism. I’m sure that’ll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don’t think I’ll ever get really fat Picture Quote #1

Come on, man, I got a full beard! Picture Quote #1

No one’s trying to get with jugglers Picture Quote #1

I’m the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality Picture Quote #1

So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you’re clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you’re super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face Picture Quote #1

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Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot Picture Quote #1

When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses Picture Quote #1

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That’s what we’re shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true Picture Quote #1

I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn’t, but I thought: ‘What the hell?’ So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it Picture Quote #1

I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun Picture Quote #1

One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it’s Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake Shack Picture Quote #1

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I never had the desire to be a professional Twitterer. Every now and then something dumb pops into my head and I’ll tweet it. I don’t feel any obligation to respond to everyone. Not that I don’t appreciate people sending me messages on there, but there are too many. Responding to everyone would take away time for all the stuff I’m actually in the business for [stand-up or scripts] Picture Quote #1

Every single person, pretty much, is taught what they’re supposed to do: go to school, get a job, find someone to love, get married, have kids, raise the kids, and then die. Nobody questions that. What if you want to do something different? Picture Quote #1

If it’s possible, I binge. There are other shows, like ‘The Americans’ and ‘Game of Thrones,’ I watch and have to wait a week Picture Quote #1

Let’s have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting ‘Gangnam style!’ yelled at them by bros around the world Picture Quote #1

When I tour, it’s like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I’m obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing Picture Quote #1

Other than friends and family, my favorite things are New York and stand-up. I love doing comedy in New York - I can do way more stand-up here than in Los Angeles Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Fiddling knobs, touching keys, having fun with a full grown man (Aziz Ansari Quotes) You don’t know Jay-Z’s scedule. He’s a renaissance man (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I prefer being totally sober myself (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I think absurdist humor is funny (Aziz Ansari Quotes) It’s the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing (Aziz Ansari Quotes) Yeah, I’ve been a little down. Totally natural. I’m getting a divorce, but now I’m ready to pull myself up by some G-strings (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I’m like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it’s like, OK, he’s in there (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What’s hot, DJ Roomba! (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I always hate telling my jokes in print ‘cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, ‘Oh, so that’s what that guy does in his stand-up? That’s terrible.’ (Aziz Ansari Quotes) You’ve got to be pretty confident that you’re good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I’ll be like, ‘Wow, those people are weird’ (Aziz Ansari Quotes) Comedians don’t have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I’ve never done online dating (Aziz Ansari Quotes) The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I have an amazing metabolism. I’m sure that’ll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don’t think I’ll ever get really fat (Aziz Ansari Quotes) Come on, man, I got a full beard! (Aziz Ansari Quotes) No one’s trying to get with jugglers (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I’m the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality (Aziz Ansari Quotes) So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you’re clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you’re super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face (Aziz Ansari Quotes) Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot (Aziz Ansari Quotes) When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses (Aziz Ansari Quotes) Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That’s what we’re shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn’t, but I thought: ‘What the hell?’ So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun (Aziz Ansari Quotes) One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it’s Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake Shack (Aziz Ansari Quotes) I never had the desire to be a professional Twitterer. Every now and then something dumb pops into my head and I’ll tweet it. I don’t feel any obligation to respond to everyone. Not that I don’t appreciate people sending me messages on there, but there are too many. Responding to everyone would take away time for all the stuff I’m actually in the business for [stand-up or scripts]. (Aziz Ansari Quotes) Every single person, pretty much, is taught what they’re supposed to do: go to school, get a job, find someone to love, get married, have kids, raise the kids, and then die. Nobody questions that. What if you want to do something different? (Aziz Ansari Quotes) If it’s possible, I binge. There are other shows, like ‘The Americans’ and ‘Game of Thrones,’ I watch and have to wait a week. (Aziz Ansari Quotes) Let’s have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting ‘Gangnam style!’ yelled at them by bros around the world. (Aziz Ansari Quotes) When I tour, it’s like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I’m obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing. (Aziz Ansari Quotes) Other than friends and family, my favorite things are New York and stand-up. I love doing comedy in New York - I can do way more stand-up here than in Los Angeles. (Aziz Ansari Quotes)

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