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Bill Engvall Quotes

I told my wife I’m afraid to go back to the doctor because I’m afraid they’re going to look at you and say: ‘ma’am, just sell him for parts. It’s like that old car that as soon as you fix one thing, something else goes out on it Picture Quote #1

My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house Picture Quote #1

I came out of the mall one day, and a guy was standing there with a coat hanger in his window, and I couldn’t stop myself. I asked the stupid question. ‘You lock your keys in the car?’ ‘Nope, just washed it, gonna hang it up to dry.’ Picture Quote #1

Ladies, you wake up tomorrow and the newspaper reads Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth. That would be awesome Picture Quote #1

That’s why they’re man’s best friend. ‘Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they’ve already got men Picture Quote #1

My favorite road trip ever is when my wife and I took an RV around the country. We just had the best time Picture Quote #1

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People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don’t want to turn on the TV and say, ‘What is this crap?’ Picture Quote #1

If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Tour,’ I was probably the least redneck of everybody Picture Quote #1

When ‘Blue Collar TV’ was on the ‘WB,’ we were their second-highest rated show, but they didn’t know what to do with us. They had ‘Reba,’ which was number one, and we were number two, and they didn’t want to be known as the hayseed network, so they kind of dropped us, even though we were pulling great numbers Picture Quote #1

I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more Picture Quote #1

I can’t count the number of times I’ve been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair Picture Quote #1

My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties... welcome to my world Picture Quote #1

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Lady, I didn’t get up this morning wanting to be a jackass... But you just pushed my jackass button Picture Quote #1

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison Picture Quote #1

I believe that anyone who wants to wear a thong should have to go through an application process Picture Quote #1

Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I told my wife I’m afraid to go back to the doctor because I’m afraid they’re going to look at you and say: ‘ma’am, just sell him for parts. It’s like that old car that as soon as you fix one thing, something else goes out on it (Bill Engvall Quotes) My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house. (Bill Engvall Quotes) I came out of the mall one day, and a guy was standing there with a coat hanger in his window, and I couldn’t stop myself. I asked the stupid question. ‘You lock your keys in the car?’ ‘Nope, just washed it, gonna hang it up to dry.’ (Bill Engvall Quotes) Ladies, you wake up tomorrow and the newspaper reads Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth. That would be awesome. (Bill Engvall Quotes) That’s why they’re man’s best friend. ‘Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they’ve already got men (Bill Engvall Quotes) My favorite road trip ever is when my wife and I took an RV around the country. We just had the best time. (Bill Engvall Quotes) People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don’t want to turn on the TV and say, ‘What is this crap?’ (Bill Engvall Quotes) If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Tour,’ I was probably the least redneck of everybody (Bill Engvall Quotes) When ‘Blue Collar TV’ was on the ‘WB,’ we were their second-highest rated show, but they didn’t know what to do with us. They had ‘Reba,’ which was number one, and we were number two, and they didn’t want to be known as the hayseed network, so they kind of dropped us, even though we were pulling great numbers. (Bill Engvall Quotes) I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more. (Bill Engvall Quotes) I can’t count the number of times I’ve been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair (Bill Engvall Quotes) My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties... welcome to my world (Bill Engvall Quotes) Lady, I didn’t get up this morning wanting to be a jackass... But you just pushed my jackass button (Bill Engvall Quotes) I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison (Bill Engvall Quotes) I believe that anyone who wants to wear a thong should have to go through an application process (Bill Engvall Quotes) Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger (Bill Engvall Quotes)

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