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Bill Maher Quotes

The people [in the USA] are not very well informed. They certainly don`t know history. They certainly are not interested in foreign affairs very much, unless it comes right to their doorstep. They all learn history through wars. They learn geography through wars Picture Quote #1

Republicans have pounced. They’re outraged. They say, ‘How dare you lie about caring for the people who got hurt in the war we lied them into?’ Picture Quote #1

Did you see Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards? I don’t want to say that that performance was a disaster, but after the show, I saw Rudy Giuliani having his picture taken standing on her Picture Quote #1

I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving Picture Quote #1

I understand we’re on our way to being a Third World country. Could we just stop at ‘Second World’ before we get there? Picture Quote #1

Disneyland’s a mess. And it’s not just the measles. Donald Duck has bird flu. Pocahontas has small pox. The Little Mermaid has crabs. And the Monorail? Mono Picture Quote #1

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It’s nine months before the election and Bush’s poll numbers have fallen to the exact level that his father’s poll numbers were nine months before he lost to Bill Clinton. Today front runner John Kerry said he’s not superstitious, but just to be on the safe side, he’s going to start f---ing everything that moves Picture Quote #1

In Republican fantasy world, everything is always Obama’s fault. Somehow, he’s weak and he’s ineffective, and yet he pulls the strings on everything in the world Picture Quote #1

Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting him in context Picture Quote #1

I don’t want to start a movement that mirrors religion. I don’t want to create the church of the non-believers where I’m the preacher and we’re all gathering together and reciting things Picture Quote #1

You can’t deny that religion has done some good. It organizes lots of anti-poverty programs and soup kitchens and missionary work. But I would say that, first of all, all those things can be accomplished without religion. You can be ethical, somebody who does the right thing without feeling that he has to in order to get his ass saved in the next life Picture Quote #1

Time magazine put Chris Christie on the cover with the caption, ‘The Elephant in the Room.’ And People magazine named him ‘Sexiest Garbage Truck in a Suit.’ Picture Quote #1

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Americans are desperately, here on the West Coast, buying up and hoarding iodine pills... Isn’t it great that in a land that is divided between conservative morons and liberal pussies, somehow we have managed to find a way to pull together and behave like moronic pussies? Picture Quote #1

There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater Picture Quote #1

How come regional pandering only works in one direction, right? You never see a Southern politician trying to win votes in New York State by saying, ‘I read books and make a mean vegan meatloaf.’ Picture Quote #1

Good presidents, people like George Bush, they SEND people to war. They don’t bring them a rescue. This is America. We rescue insurance companies and banks Picture Quote #1

The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was ‘collecting his thoughts.’ What a time to start a new hobby.’ Picture Quote #1

Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you’re going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces Picture Quote #1

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If you think Democrats are going to take away your Bible, You’re an idiot. If you think they are going to take away your gun, you’re an armed idiot. If you think they’re going to take away your gun and give it to a Mexican to kill your God, you’re Bill O’Reilly Picture Quote #1

I’d like to protect children, too, but... is everything worth sacrificing to that? I mean, drugs have done a lot of good. ... They’ve midwived a lot of good ideas... lot of great songs, you know? I think Penny Lane is worth 10 dead kids. ... I think Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. There, I said it Picture Quote #1

The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity - mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism - mumbling to the wall, Islam - mumbling to the floor Picture Quote #1

What is Kanye West’s message? Like most rap, I am the greatest person ever and you’re not. I used to call it affirmative action for the ego Picture Quote #1

The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating - his approval rating - with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia Picture Quote #1

It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity Picture Quote #1

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As a loyal American and I think a patriotic American, no, I don’t want Sarah Palin to be president Picture Quote #1

In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts! Picture Quote #1

What a day for the Tea Party people. Did you see that? America’s parks and fairgrounds were lost in a sea of man-boobs. They were venting their anger and rage against taxes, which, of course, in most cases for them went down. Protesting their taxes went down, but you know, why let the truth spoil a perfectly good Klan rally Picture Quote #1

Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs - another blonde airhead Picture Quote #1

I said I didn’t respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can’t answer... So I don’t respect our religions either. But I do believe it is a clash of civilizations, absolutely, between the Islamic world and the Western world. It has been going on for 1,000 years Picture Quote #1

Ronald Reagan was an anti-government, union-busting, race baiting, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-intellectual, who cut rich people’s taxes in half, had a incurable case of the military-industrial complex, and said Medicare was socialism that would destroy our freedom. [. . .] Both sides really should stop pretending he was something other than the man most responsible for our decline Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

The people [in the USA] are not very well informed. They certainly don`t know history. They certainly are not interested in foreign affairs very much, unless it comes right to their doorstep. They all learn history through wars. They learn geography through wars (Bill Maher Quotes) Republicans have pounced. They’re outraged. They say, ‘How dare you lie about caring for the people who got hurt in the war we lied them into?’ (Bill Maher Quotes) Did you see Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards? I don’t want to say that that performance was a disaster, but after the show, I saw Rudy Giuliani having his picture taken standing on her (Bill Maher Quotes) I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving (Bill Maher Quotes) I understand we’re on our way to being a Third World country. Could we just stop at ‘Second World’ before we get there? (Bill Maher Quotes) Disneyland’s a mess. And it’s not just the measles. Donald Duck has bird flu. Pocahontas has small pox. The Little Mermaid has crabs. And the Monorail? Mono (Bill Maher Quotes) It’s nine months before the election and Bush’s poll numbers have fallen to the exact level that his father’s poll numbers were nine months before he lost to Bill Clinton. Today front runner John Kerry said he’s not superstitious, but just to be on the safe side, he’s going to start f---ing everything that moves (Bill Maher Quotes) In Republican fantasy world, everything is always Obama’s fault. Somehow, he’s weak and he’s ineffective, and yet he pulls the strings on everything in the world (Bill Maher Quotes) Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting him in context (Bill Maher Quotes) I don’t want to start a movement that mirrors religion. I don’t want to create the church of the non-believers where I’m the preacher and we’re all gathering together and reciting things (Bill Maher Quotes) You can’t deny that religion has done some good. It organizes lots of anti-poverty programs and soup kitchens and missionary work. But I would say that, first of all, all those things can be accomplished without religion. You can be ethical, somebody who does the right thing without feeling that he has to in order to get his ass saved in the next life (Bill Maher Quotes) Time magazine put Chris Christie on the cover with the caption, ‘The Elephant in the Room.’ And People magazine named him ‘Sexiest Garbage Truck in a Suit.’ (Bill Maher Quotes) Americans are desperately, here on the West Coast, buying up and hoarding iodine pills... Isn’t it great that in a land that is divided between conservative morons and liberal pussies, somehow we have managed to find a way to pull together and behave like moronic pussies? (Bill Maher Quotes) There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater (Bill Maher Quotes) How come regional pandering only works in one direction, right? You never see a Southern politician trying to win votes in New York State by saying, ‘I read books and make a mean vegan meatloaf.’ (Bill Maher Quotes) Good presidents, people like George Bush, they SEND people to war. They don’t bring them a rescue. This is America. We rescue insurance companies and banks (Bill Maher Quotes) The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was ‘collecting his thoughts.’ What a time to start a new hobby.’ (Bill Maher Quotes) Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you’re going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces (Bill Maher Quotes) If you think Democrats are going to take away your Bible, You’re an idiot. If you think they are going to take away your gun, you’re an armed idiot. If you think they’re going to take away your gun and give it to a Mexican to kill your God, you’re Bill O’Reilly (Bill Maher Quotes) I’d like to protect children, too, but... is everything worth sacrificing to that? I mean, drugs have done a lot of good. ... They’ve midwived a lot of good ideas... lot of great songs, you know? I think Penny Lane is worth 10 dead kids. ... I think Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. There, I said it (Bill Maher Quotes) The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity - mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism - mumbling to the wall, Islam - mumbling to the floor (Bill Maher Quotes) What is Kanye West’s message? Like most rap, I am the greatest person ever and you’re not. I used to call it affirmative action for the ego. (Bill Maher Quotes) The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating - his approval rating - with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia. (Bill Maher Quotes) It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity. (Bill Maher Quotes) As a loyal American and I think a patriotic American, no, I don’t want Sarah Palin to be president. (Bill Maher Quotes) In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts! (Bill Maher Quotes) What a day for the Tea Party people. Did you see that? America’s parks and fairgrounds were lost in a sea of man-boobs. They were venting their anger and rage against taxes, which, of course, in most cases for them went down. Protesting their taxes went down, but you know, why let the truth spoil a perfectly good Klan rally. (Bill Maher Quotes) Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs - another blonde airhead. (Bill Maher Quotes) I said I didn’t respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can’t answer... So I don’t respect our religions either. But I do believe it is a clash of civilizations, absolutely, between the Islamic world and the Western world. It has been going on for 1,000 years. (Bill Maher Quotes) Ronald Reagan was an anti-government, union-busting, race baiting, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-intellectual, who cut rich people’s taxes in half, had a incurable case of the military-industrial complex, and said Medicare was socialism that would destroy our freedom. [. . .] Both sides really should stop pretending he was something other than the man most responsible for our decline. (Bill Maher Quotes)

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