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Bill Maher Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
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Life Quotes
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Text Quotes
Don’t wear bacon cologne. If you put on...you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who is tempted to wear bacon cologne, it’s not like you could get laid any less. (Bill Maher Quotes)
When I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD. Talk about the sniffles! I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl with gonorrhea. (Bill Maher Quotes)
Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me - I quit! (Bill Maher Quotes)
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need (Bill Maher Quotes)
Space tourism is God’s way of telling you you aren’t spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine. (Bill Maher Quotes)
New Rule: If you married a manic-depressive, three of your children died, and while you were president civil war broke out and someone shot you in the head, your coin really shouldn’t say, In God We Trust. (Bill Maher Quotes)
Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed. (Bill Maher Quotes)
I couldn’t run for any office. I think that religion is bad, weed is good, and babies are disgusting; who would vote for me? (Bill Maher Quotes)
The Democrats are very bad at selling their own product. The Republicans are geniuses at it. And I’ve said it before, a bad product well apologized for is superior in this country to a good product. (Bill Maher Quotes)
Just like in the workplace, women who are good workers are the best workers (Bill Maher Quotes)
I think the right-wingers have to buddy up to the fact that either the minimum wage has to go up, and people get enough money to live, or you’re always going to have people needing government assistance. You can’t have it both ways. (Bill Maher Quotes)
I’m supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech - when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here’s the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face. (Bill Maher Quotes)
Gordon Gekko was right: greed is good. Because, the potty-trained Republicans have now stepped forward - like the Koch brothers - to say, ‘You know what? You yokels stop talking about defaulting on the debt, because I’m going to lose a fortune!’ (Bill Maher Quotes)
The only sport I really get into is snowboarding. Cause that’s the only sport where they perform a half pipe just after smoking a full pipe. (Bill Maher Quotes)
The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won’t say it. (Bill Maher Quotes)
Do you think it’s possible that when we’re on something like marijuana or mushrooms and we believe we’re having a really spiritual experience that we’re just high? (Bill Maher Quotes)
Kids. They’re not easy, but there has to be some penalty for having sex. (Bill Maher Quotes)
We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities (Bill Maher Quotes)
To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity (Bill Maher Quotes)
Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit." (Bill Maher Quotes)
What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country (Bill Maher Quotes)
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them (Bill Maher Quotes)
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease (Bill Maher Quotes)
I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again (Bill Maher Quotes)
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need (Bill Maher Quotes)
The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight (Bill Maher Quotes)
More astronauts have been to the moon than farmers who paid the inheritance tax in 2013 (Bill Maher Quotes)
In fact, because people are religious, they think they can do bad things (Bill Maher Quotes)
When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise (Bill Maher Quotes)
I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation (Bill Maher Quotes)