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Billy Connolly Quotes

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit Picture Quote #1

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don’t sit in the dark hiding. It’s easy to hide and shout and waste people’s time Picture Quote #1

Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up Picture Quote #1

Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying Picture Quote #1

I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far Picture Quote #1

I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered Picture Quote #1

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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless Picture Quote #1

I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue Picture Quote #1

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be Picture Quote #1

I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there Picture Quote #1

I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little Picture Quote #1

I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience. There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended Picture Quote #1

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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo Picture Quote #1

Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh Picture Quote #1

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel? Picture Quote #1

What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find? Picture Quote #1

I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little Picture Quote #1

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white Picture Quote #1

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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started Picture Quote #1

I don’t like the beach. I think we have no business at the beach at all, as a species. We don’t belong in the sea. The sea is full of things that bite us, sting us, hurt the soles of our feet, and it’s extremely cold. When are we gonna take the hint that the things that live in the sea don’t like us? Picture Quote #1

Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep? Picture Quote #1

I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed Picture Quote #1

Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born; nowhere! It’s over! Picture Quote #1

Nothing means anything here. When they pull down an outstanding building, no one objects. Oh, maybe there’s a wee protest from some collectors or something who take a picture of it before it vanishes Picture Quote #1

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Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn’t try it on Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit (Billy Connolly Quotes) Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don’t sit in the dark hiding. It’s easy to hide and shout and waste people’s time (Billy Connolly Quotes) Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up (Billy Connolly Quotes) Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying (Billy Connolly Quotes) I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far (Billy Connolly Quotes) I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered (Billy Connolly Quotes) I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless (Billy Connolly Quotes) I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue (Billy Connolly Quotes) I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be (Billy Connolly Quotes) I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there (Billy Connolly Quotes) I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little (Billy Connolly Quotes) I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience. There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended (Billy Connolly Quotes) My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo (Billy Connolly Quotes) Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh (Billy Connolly Quotes) So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel? (Billy Connolly Quotes) What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find? (Billy Connolly Quotes) I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little (Billy Connolly Quotes) I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white (Billy Connolly Quotes) The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started (Billy Connolly Quotes) I don’t like the beach. I think we have no business at the beach at all, as a species. We don’t belong in the sea. The sea is full of things that bite us, sting us, hurt the soles of our feet, and it’s extremely cold. When are we gonna take the hint that the things that live in the sea don’t like us? (Billy Connolly Quotes) Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep? (Billy Connolly Quotes) I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed (Billy Connolly Quotes) Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born; nowhere! It’s over! (Billy Connolly Quotes) Nothing means anything here. When they pull down an outstanding building, no one objects. Oh, maybe there’s a wee protest from some collectors or something who take a picture of it before it vanishes (Billy Connolly Quotes) Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn’t try it on (Billy Connolly Quotes)

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