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Christopher Titus Quotes

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I lost 28 pounds in my divorce…because that’s what a soul weighs  (Christopher Titus Quotes) I don’t believe there should ever be abortion in the womb, but I do believe once that kid is born, there should be a 22 year late term abortion window  (Christopher Titus Quotes) You don’t get a rebate at the end of your life for living with an idiot  (Christopher Titus Quotes) Revenge is good. It’s what separates us from the animals and the hippies  (Christopher Titus Quotes) Sometimes, to help the people you love, you’ve gotta commit a felony  (Christopher Titus Quotes) For me, the greatest hurdle to success has always been failure  (Christopher Titus Quotes) Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh  (Christopher Titus Quotes) God bless America. But God, please help Canada.  (Christopher Titus Quotes) Participation trophies are the soul herpes of a generation  (Christopher Titus Quotes) I don’t fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn’t work.  (Christopher Titus Quotes) If at first you don’t succeed, then drag racing isn’t for you  (Christopher Titus Quotes) Born free. Taxed to death.  (Christopher Titus Quotes) Lady Gaga is proof that David Bowie raped Carol Burnett!  (Christopher Titus Quotes) The normal make a living. The deranged make history  (Christopher Titus Quotes) In a normal family, surprise means presents, cake and a party. My family, surprise means homelessness, abandonment and destruction of private property. Sometimes we have cake. We’re not losers.  (Christopher Titus Quotes) We don’t have home movies in my family. We have people’s exhibit A.  (Christopher Titus Quotes) Clint Eastwood doesn’t moisturize! But Clint Eastwood needs to moisturize!  (Christopher Titus Quotes) Revenge is good. It’s what separates us from the animals and the hippies.  (Christopher Titus Quotes) In my family, goodness is just badness before its had something to drink  (Christopher Titus Quotes)