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Conan OBrien Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
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Life Quotes
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Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Fish recognize a bad leader (Conan OBrien Quotes)
In New Mexico, a man was arrested for buying a woman food so that she would have sex with him. The man has been charged with “dating” (Conan OBrien Quotes)
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.’ (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans (Conan OBrien Quotes)
CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, ‘It’s not so bad.’ (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California’s schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me (Conan OBrien Quotes)
During last night’s debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage (Conan OBrien Quotes)
In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That’s right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and whatever it is I have (Conan OBrien Quotes)
In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber’ union (Conan OBrien Quotes)
In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani (Conan OBrien Quotes)
In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn’t have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath (Conan OBrien Quotes)
John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don’t know what they’re doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn’t eligible for another fifteen years (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn’t changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that he’s started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen (Conan OBrien Quotes)
President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards (Conan OBrien Quotes)
President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn’t that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003 (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn’t in their neighborhood (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it’s 22 years later, and they still haven’t lost their virginity (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’ (Conan OBrien Quotes)
The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he’d like to help, but he’s pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army (Conan OBrien Quotes)
This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Tom Cruise’s attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin’s attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion (Conan OBrien Quotes)
You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people (Conan OBrien Quotes)
The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent (Conan OBrien Quotes)
According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60 percent already live here (Conan OBrien Quotes)