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Conan OBrien Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
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Text Quotes
Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg fell asleep during Obama’s speech. She woke up with the other justices drawing a gavel on her face (Conan OBrien Quotes)
According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats (Conan OBrien Quotes)
For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Today in Sri Lanka, Pope Francis visited a Buddhist temple. When asked why, the Pope said, ‘Just keeping my options open. It’s a dicey job market. You never know.’ (Conan OBrien Quotes)
A new Republican Congress is taking over. Sen. Ted Cruz has been appointed tooverseeing NASA in Congress. He says he wants NASA to focus on finding aliens so he can deport them (Conan OBrien Quotes)
A Saudi Arabian prince has said that oil may never again rise above $100 a barrel. He said it’s gotten so bad he can’t afford to buy his wife her own car that she’s not allowed to drive (Conan OBrien Quotes)
California’s 74-year-old Senator Barbara Boxer announced she will not run for re-election in 2016. When I saw the headline 74-Year-Old Boxer,’ I assumed they were making another ‘Rocky’ movie (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Today, Angelina Jolie met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. Long story short: She adopted him (Conan OBrien Quotes)
A new study has found that watching Fox News can make you more conservative and watching MSNBC can make you more liberal. And watching CNN can make you think that no plane has ever safely reached its destination (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Sony has canceled the big Seth Rogen movie, ‘The Interview.’ North Koreans hacked their email so Sony said, ‘Now we can’t show anybody the movie.’ I’m disappointed. I think this is the wrong thing to do. And I hear in the film Meryl Streep is great as Kim Jong Un (Conan OBrien Quotes)
If Sony’s not going to show ‘The Interview,’ that’s it. No more North Korean movies for me (Conan OBrien Quotes)
President Obama announced that he’s going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie about Castro (Conan OBrien Quotes)
A new report says ISIS is trying to recruit professionals like doctors, engineers, and accountants. Sorry, kids, even ISIS says they’re not hiring liberal arts majors (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Among the top Google searches of 2014 were Ebola and the movie ‘Frozen.’ One leaves you with something highly infectious that’s impossible to get out of your system. The other is Ebola (Conan OBrien Quotes)
The hackers who hacked into Sony have leaked the upcoming script for the new James Bond movie. Some of the executives said the news left them shaken but not stirred (Conan OBrien Quotes)
The Justice Department ruled that Native American tribes are allowed to grow and sell marijuana on reservations. This decision was hailed as a victory by Native American leader Giggling Eagle (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Time magazine announced its person of the year. It’s health workers who treat Ebola. That’s a person of the year. Time magazine told the health workers, ‘No need to pick up your award, we’ll mail it to you.’ (Conan OBrien Quotes)
A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, ‘I had more leg room in the womb.’ (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Scientists say they’re getting closer to developing a pill to replace exercising. Americans heard this and said that it better come in cool ranch flavor (Conan OBrien Quotes)
This week Apple stores are holding free computer programming classes for children. Or as that’s called in China, a job fair (Conan OBrien Quotes)
This morning President Obama met with Britain’s Prince William in the Oval Office. It was a meeting between a symbolic ruler with no real power and the future king of England (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Analysts say Obama’s new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team (Conan OBrien Quotes)
President Obama has pledged $3 billion to aid poor nations. All of that $3 billion is going to the United States (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Scientists say the European space probe that landed on the comet has detected organic matter. This means there could be either life in space or a Whole Foods. We just don’t know (Conan OBrien Quotes)
At the economic summit in China, Vladimir Putin is being accused of flirting with the first lady of China. Then again, Putin does have a history of not respecting boundaries (Conan OBrien Quotes)
People in China criticized President Obama for chewing gum while entering the economic summit in Beijing. They’re saying he looked like a rapper. Then again, to be fair, in China I look like a rapper (Conan OBrien Quotes)
The Republican Party had a big day in yesterday’s midterm elections and now controls the House and Senate. And don’t ask me how this happened, but the Republican Party also gained control of three seats in our show’s band (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Kim Kardashian tweeted that she is supporting President Obama in the midterm elections. I think it worked because all of the polls are predicting that after tonight Barack Obama will still be president of the United States (Conan OBrien Quotes)
In Montana, a math teacher is running for the Senate. Win or lose, she plans on demanding a recount because math is fun (Conan OBrien Quotes)
Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. The marathon was won in record time by a Democrat candidate running away from President Obama (Conan OBrien Quotes)