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Craig Ferguson Quotes

A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I’m outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women? Picture Quote #1

World War Z is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It’s like Black Friday at the mall Picture Quote #1

There’s going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don’t even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they’ve got great shows, like Barks and Recreation and Game of Bones Picture Quote #1

These days, young people watch TV on smartphones and computers. Young people with an actual TV set are harder to find than a picture of Anthony Weiner with his clothes on Picture Quote #1

Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? Picture Quote #1

A lot of people in their 30’s get nostalgic for their teen years. Then they get jobs in TV, become bitter and jaded and prematurely old. Then they turn their nostalgia into great television Picture Quote #1

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I think we look back at times past with fondness because we were younger. Life had not yet begun pecking away at our innocence like buzzards on fresh road kill Picture Quote #1

A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel Picture Quote #1

The Smurfs 2 is a great movie. The Smurfs are tiny little creatures that everybody loves. They’re like Justin Bieber - minus the part about everybody loving him Picture Quote #1

You know, I think there’s a good rule of thumb here: Don’t take nutritional advice from other species Picture Quote #1

I think I’ll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn’t I be a goofy Glaswegian? Picture Quote #1

Dell Computers announced they’re releasing a competitor for the iPad. Now it is, in fact, a great alternative for people who already have an iPad, but are fed up with it working all the time Picture Quote #1

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Bush’s memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, 200 of those pages are just games and puzzles Picture Quote #1

Former president George W. Bush released his new memoir. By the way, ‘memoir’ is just a fancy word for ‘a bunch of stuff that happened to me Picture Quote #1

Mark Zuckerberg was named Time’s Person of the Year. I’m sorry if you don’t recognize the name. A magazine is something people used to read Picture Quote #1

People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning Picture Quote #1

I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves Picture Quote #1

With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you’re parodying Picture Quote #1

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Don’t ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don’t want to be one Picture Quote #1

Historically, when Americans don’t know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: ‘What am I going to do now? I’ll go to Paris!’ Picture Quote #1

I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I’m a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don’t care for it Picture Quote #1

I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: ‘Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?’ And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk Picture Quote #1

I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, ‘Well, you’re supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.’ It’s an appropriate feeling to feel Picture Quote #1

I’m crazy. I know I’m crazy ‘cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he’s very clever. He said, ‘You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.’ and I’m going to Picture Quote #1

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Fraser’s mother, Janice, was actually quite a happy soul but she had to hide it because, like all pseudo intellectuals, she thought being cheery made her look stupid, which of course she was for believing that rubbish in the first place. She like to talk about Sartre sometimes, just as insurance Picture Quote #1

That’s the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying Picture Quote #1

Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn’t Scotland’s fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that’s what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people Picture Quote #1

There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin Picture Quote #1

The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious Picture Quote #1

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I’m outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women? (Craig Ferguson Quotes) World War Z is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It’s like Black Friday at the mall (Craig Ferguson Quotes) There’s going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don’t even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they’ve got great shows, like Barks and Recreation and Game of Bones (Craig Ferguson Quotes) These days, young people watch TV on smartphones and computers. Young people with an actual TV set are harder to find than a picture of Anthony Weiner with his clothes on (Craig Ferguson Quotes) Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? (Craig Ferguson Quotes) A lot of people in their 30’s get nostalgic for their teen years. Then they get jobs in TV, become bitter and jaded and prematurely old. Then they turn their nostalgia into great television (Craig Ferguson Quotes) I think we look back at times past with fondness because we were younger. Life had not yet begun pecking away at our innocence like buzzards on fresh road kill (Craig Ferguson Quotes) A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel (Craig Ferguson Quotes) The Smurfs 2 is a great movie. The Smurfs are tiny little creatures that everybody loves. They’re like Justin Bieber - minus the part about everybody loving him (Craig Ferguson Quotes) You know, I think there’s a good rule of thumb here: Don’t take nutritional advice from other species (Craig Ferguson Quotes) I think I’ll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn’t I be a goofy Glaswegian? (Craig Ferguson Quotes) Dell Computers announced they’re releasing a competitor for the iPad. Now it is, in fact, a great alternative for people who already have an iPad, but are fed up with it working all the time (Craig Ferguson Quotes) Bush’s memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, 200 of those pages are just games and puzzles (Craig Ferguson Quotes) Former president George W. Bush released his new memoir. By the way, ‘memoir’ is just a fancy word for ‘a bunch of stuff that happened to me (Craig Ferguson Quotes) Mark Zuckerberg was named Time’s Person of the Year. I’m sorry if you don’t recognize the name. A magazine is something people used to read (Craig Ferguson Quotes) People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning (Craig Ferguson Quotes) I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves (Craig Ferguson Quotes) With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you’re parodying (Craig Ferguson Quotes) Don’t ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don’t want to be one (Craig Ferguson Quotes) Historically, when Americans don’t know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: ‘What am I going to do now? I’ll go to Paris!’ (Craig Ferguson Quotes) I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I’m a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don’t care for it (Craig Ferguson Quotes) I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: ‘Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?’ And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk (Craig Ferguson Quotes) I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, ‘Well, you’re supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.’ It’s an appropriate feeling to feel (Craig Ferguson Quotes) I’m crazy. I know I’m crazy ‘cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he’s very clever. He said, ‘You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.’ and I’m going to (Craig Ferguson Quotes) Fraser’s mother, Janice, was actually quite a happy soul but she had to hide it because, like all pseudo intellectuals, she thought being cheery made her look stupid, which of course she was for believing that rubbish in the first place. She like to talk about Sartre sometimes, just as insurance (Craig Ferguson Quotes) That’s the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying (Craig Ferguson Quotes) Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn’t Scotland’s fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that’s what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people (Craig Ferguson Quotes) There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin (Craig Ferguson Quotes) The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious (Craig Ferguson Quotes) I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving (Craig Ferguson Quotes)

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