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Dane Cook Quotes

I don’t like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights Picture Quote #1

They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that’s a nice little thank you from Jesus Picture Quote #1

When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion Picture Quote #1

How do you fall into a lion’s den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions Picture Quote #1

Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don’t like it Picture Quote #1

I do think I am funny, or I wouldn’t be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning Picture Quote #1

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When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that Picture Quote #1

Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I’m one of the first people there Picture Quote #1

There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I’m an entirely different person Picture Quote #1

I work with a lot of kids. Every year, for the past fifteen years, I work at Comedy Camp where I work with a lot of kids Picture Quote #1

I was very good at kickball... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school Picture Quote #1

I say God bless you, I don’t say bless you... I am not the Lord, I can’t do that Picture Quote #1

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When you swear to God, its true... right now God is watching and saying, this is true Picture Quote #1

Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you’re single and lonely then it’s called Laundry Day Picture Quote #1

When people refer to ‘Back in the Day,’ it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you Picture Quote #1

I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks Picture Quote #1

I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I’m not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something’s bad Picture Quote #1

I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I’ll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it Picture Quote #1

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I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things Picture Quote #1

Here’s the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they’ll let you know that’s not how you do it. They want - if it’s comedian, if it’s a musician, bring us your best show Picture Quote #1

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. When you’re headed for a breakthrough moment, it’s kind of scary because you say, ‘If I break through then I have to make great change in my life.’ Picture Quote #1

I was being chased by a giant crab. [Audience laughs] That’s not funny Picture Quote #1

Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You’re all by yourself, up there. And when you’re in a film, on a set, it’s a collaborative effort. It’s about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination Picture Quote #1

I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle Picture Quote #1

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My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create a character that you think is funny. Some comedians get into bad habits when they are trying to create something that is not them, and they are trying to write a voice that isn’t their true voice Picture Quote #1

You have to realize, when you’re a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody’s personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage Picture Quote #1

Time machine... wouldn’t you like to travel through time? I would. I’d go back... mess with people. You know what I would do? I would go back to when my mom and dad were having sex, to have me. Ya’know, come in, spank my dad on the ass I’m your son from the future! Ahaha! Picture Quote #1

You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn’t include reactions, interactions or transactions if you’re thinkin’ loophole Picture Quote #1

I’m glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere Picture Quote #1

I got home from work today and took like a one hundred hour nap. No you did not. You’d be very sick if you were taking one hundred hour naps. That’s a coma! If you said you took a coma after work I’d be able to follow the story Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I don’t like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights (Dane Cook Quotes) They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that’s a nice little thank you from Jesus (Dane Cook Quotes) When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion (Dane Cook Quotes) How do you fall into a lion’s den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions (Dane Cook Quotes) Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don’t like it (Dane Cook Quotes) I do think I am funny, or I wouldn’t be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning (Dane Cook Quotes) When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that (Dane Cook Quotes) Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I’m one of the first people there (Dane Cook Quotes) There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I’m an entirely different person (Dane Cook Quotes) I work with a lot of kids. Every year, for the past fifteen years, I work at Comedy Camp where I work with a lot of kids (Dane Cook Quotes) I was very good at kickball... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school (Dane Cook Quotes) I say God bless you, I don’t say bless you... I am not the Lord, I can’t do that (Dane Cook Quotes) When you swear to God, its true... right now God is watching and saying, this is true (Dane Cook Quotes) Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you’re single and lonely then it’s called Laundry Day (Dane Cook Quotes) When people refer to ‘Back in the Day,’ it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you (Dane Cook Quotes) I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks (Dane Cook Quotes) I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I’m not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something’s bad (Dane Cook Quotes) I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I’ll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it (Dane Cook Quotes) I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things (Dane Cook Quotes) Here’s the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they’ll let you know that’s not how you do it. They want - if it’s comedian, if it’s a musician, bring us your best show (Dane Cook Quotes) We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. When you’re headed for a breakthrough moment, it’s kind of scary because you say, ‘If I break through then I have to make great change in my life.’ (Dane Cook Quotes) I was being chased by a giant crab. [Audience laughs] That’s not funny (Dane Cook Quotes) Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You’re all by yourself, up there. And when you’re in a film, on a set, it’s a collaborative effort. It’s about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination (Dane Cook Quotes) I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle (Dane Cook Quotes) My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create a character that you think is funny. Some comedians get into bad habits when they are trying to create something that is not them, and they are trying to write a voice that isn’t their true voice (Dane Cook Quotes) You have to realize, when you’re a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody’s personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage (Dane Cook Quotes) Time machine... wouldn’t you like to travel through time? I would. I’d go back... mess with people. You know what I would do? I would go back to when my mom and dad were having sex, to have me. Ya’know, come in, spank my dad on the ass I’m your son from the future! Ahaha! (Dane Cook Quotes) You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn’t include reactions, interactions or transactions if you’re thinkin’ loophole (Dane Cook Quotes) I’m glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere. (Dane Cook Quotes) I got home from work today and took like a one hundred hour nap. No you did not. You’d be very sick if you were taking one hundred hour naps. That’s a coma! If you said you took a coma after work I’d be able to follow the story. (Dane Cook Quotes)

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