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Dane Cook Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi. (Dane Cook Quotes)
It’s the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes. (Dane Cook Quotes)
Some girls look beautiful with no makeup on at all. I call them lazy. Now go throw some war paint on you bleak empty canvas you. (Dane Cook Quotes)
I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias. (Dane Cook Quotes)
I don’t write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous. (Dane Cook Quotes)
They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that’s a nice little thank you from Jesus. (Dane Cook Quotes)
I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there’s truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you’re working smaller clubs, you’re listening. You’re feeling an energy, you’re going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people. (Dane Cook Quotes)
Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you’re single and lonely then it’s called Laundry Day. (Dane Cook Quotes)
It’s hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can’t find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar. (Dane Cook Quotes)
I say God bless you, I don’t say bless you ... I am not the Lord, I can’t do that. (Dane Cook Quotes)
My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He’s in jail now. (Dane Cook Quotes)
I’m shooting a pilot based on my show. It’s a one-camera show. I play myself. (Dane Cook Quotes)
A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it’s not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it’s your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80! (Dane Cook Quotes)
I love singing along to the radio while I’m riding in the back of a squad car (Dane Cook Quotes)
Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He’ll come to a lot of my shows. It’s not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince. (Dane Cook Quotes)
The problem with dating a model is they won’t go out with you if your cars color doesn’t match their outfit. (Dane Cook Quotes)
When I’m wrong I’m like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he’ll turn Luke. Yet, when I’m right I’m a Jedi like my father before me. (Dane Cook Quotes)
Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person’s life, stay out of it (Dane Cook Quotes)
I love being on stage if I’m not on a set. If I’m at home, I’m usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance, so if the right script comes along, and I certainly am reading comedies and dramas now, then I’m ready willing and able to give it a shot. (Dane Cook Quotes)
Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That’s when guys get all TBS around you because we think it’s very funny. (Dane Cook Quotes)
It’s amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves. (Dane Cook Quotes)
I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was God awful, I thought I’d get into psychology. (Dane Cook Quotes)
I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it’s with an elderly person holding a baby. (Dane Cook Quotes)
Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don’t like it. (Dane Cook Quotes)
Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you’ve got. (Dane Cook Quotes)
I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don’t think I’m funny. (Dane Cook Quotes)
Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT. (Dane Cook Quotes)
I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day, Hey, hey, excuse me sir. Get your putter out of the whale’s ass. Come on, this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though it looks like a playground. (Dane Cook Quotes)
It’s an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn’t know you exist (Dane Cook Quotes)
My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord. (Dane Cook Quotes)