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Dave Barry Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
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Text Quotes
Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday! (Dave Barry Quotes)
Beneath their surface differences, there are a lot of deep, underlying differences (Dave Barry Quotes)
The objective is not so much to walk your dog, as it is to empty him (Dave Barry Quotes)
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress (Dave Barry Quotes)
Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes (Dave Barry Quotes)
Bill Gates is a very rich man today. And do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions (Dave Barry Quotes)
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear (Dave Barry Quotes)
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print (Dave Barry Quotes)
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer (Dave Barry Quotes)
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford (Dave Barry Quotes)
I want a pit crew. I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems (Dave Barry Quotes)
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent (Dave Barry Quotes)
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate (Dave Barry Quotes)
It was public art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money (Dave Barry Quotes)
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice (Dave Barry Quotes)
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number (Dave Barry Quotes)
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting (Dave Barry Quotes)
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above average drivers (Dave Barry Quotes)
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins (Dave Barry Quotes)
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter (Dave Barry Quotes)
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes (Dave Barry Quotes)
The simple truth is that balding African American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs (Dave Barry Quotes)
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example (Dave Barry Quotes)
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail (Dave Barry Quotes)
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro (Dave Barry Quotes)
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing (Dave Barry Quotes)
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it (Dave Barry Quotes)
And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: The West (Dave Barry Quotes)
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? all you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! and they don't even have to be true! (Dave Barry Quotes)
Geographically, Ireland is a medium sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep (Dave Barry Quotes)