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Dave Barry Quotes

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? Picture Quote #1

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care Picture Quote #1

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories Picture Quote #1

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry Picture Quote #1

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland Picture Quote #1

In 1765, parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps Picture Quote #1

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In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid Picture Quote #1

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators Picture Quote #1

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column Picture Quote #1

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer Picture Quote #1

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them Picture Quote #1

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent Picture Quote #1

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The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice Picture Quote #1

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine millimeter bullet Picture Quote #1

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life Picture Quote #1

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around Picture Quote #1

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires Picture Quote #1

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth Picture Quote #1

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We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective Picture Quote #1

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin Picture Quote #1

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers Picture Quote #1

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me Picture Quote #1

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once Picture Quote #1

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base Picture Quote #1

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I haven't been able to slam dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty eight years before that, either Picture Quote #1

In college, yuppies major in business administration. If to meet certain requirements they have to take a liberal arts course, they take Business Poetry Picture Quote #1

I have always dressed according to certain basic guy fashion rules, including: both of your socks should always be the same color, or they should at least both be fairly dark Picture Quote #1

Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is Picture Quote #1

Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat what if? Questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working Picture Quote #1

I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U. S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss Picture Quote #1

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Text Quotes

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? (Dave Barry Quotes) I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care (Dave Barry Quotes) I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories (Dave Barry Quotes) If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry (Dave Barry Quotes) If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland (Dave Barry Quotes) In 1765, parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps (Dave Barry Quotes) In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid (Dave Barry Quotes) Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators (Dave Barry Quotes) Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column (Dave Barry Quotes) Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer (Dave Barry Quotes) People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them (Dave Barry Quotes) Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent (Dave Barry Quotes) The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice (Dave Barry Quotes) Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine millimeter bullet (Dave Barry Quotes) To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life (Dave Barry Quotes) Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around (Dave Barry Quotes) We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires (Dave Barry Quotes) We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth (Dave Barry Quotes) We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective (Dave Barry Quotes) We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin (Dave Barry Quotes) What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers (Dave Barry Quotes) I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me (Dave Barry Quotes) Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once (Dave Barry Quotes) If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base (Dave Barry Quotes) I haven't been able to slam dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty eight years before that, either (Dave Barry Quotes) In college, yuppies major in business administration. If to meet certain requirements they have to take a liberal arts course, they take Business Poetry (Dave Barry Quotes) I have always dressed according to certain basic guy fashion rules, including: both of your socks should always be the same color, or they should at least both be fairly dark (Dave Barry Quotes) Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is (Dave Barry Quotes) Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat what if? Questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working (Dave Barry Quotes) I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U. S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss (Dave Barry Quotes)

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