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David Letterman Quotes

If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d have no discernible personality at all Picture Quote #1

You’re not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don’t you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it? Picture Quote #1

Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice Picture Quote #1

While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut Picture Quote #1

Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical Picture Quote #1

Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor Picture Quote #1

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It’s interesting what former presidents do when they leave office. Bush is now working as a motivational speaker. And if you want to be motivated, who better to turn to than the guy who invaded the wrong country and started a depression Picture Quote #1

The best part about holiday parties is the alcohol. You have a couple of drinks and you tell your coworkers and your superiors what you really think about them. And then the fun begins Picture Quote #1

Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window Picture Quote #1

Two creative spirits in a relationship, I don’t think that’s the best way to go Picture Quote #1

Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are Picture Quote #1

I’d do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it’s too cold Picture Quote #1

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Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants Picture Quote #1

The world’s oldest woman passed away at 116. They keep dying. I think that title may be cursed Picture Quote #1

According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead Picture Quote #1

The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies Picture Quote #1

Hillary’s trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit Picture Quote #1

Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that’s just the folks here in the audience Picture Quote #1

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It’s two days until tax time. I know it’s late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss Picture Quote #1

Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned Picture Quote #1

You’ve got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss Picture Quote #1

Ladies and gentlemen, after what I’ve been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front Picture Quote #1

Night clubs scare me. They’re dark and they stink and they’re dangerous and everybody’s drunk Picture Quote #1

It’s disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk Picture Quote #1

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I’m very resourceful. I’d be good in prison. I’d be good in a shipwreck. I’d make a great hostage Picture Quote #1

I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves Picture Quote #1

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong Picture Quote #1

We’re told that they were zealots fueled by religious fervour.. Religious fervour and if you live to be a thousand years old will that make any sense to you? Will that make any goddamn sense? Picture Quote #1

I refused David Letterman’s proposal of marriage for obvious reasons, but thanks for asking Picture Quote #1

I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d have no discernible personality at all (David Letterman Quotes) You’re not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don’t you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it? (David Letterman Quotes) Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice (David Letterman Quotes) While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut (David Letterman Quotes) Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical (David Letterman Quotes) Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor (David Letterman Quotes) It’s interesting what former presidents do when they leave office. Bush is now working as a motivational speaker. And if you want to be motivated, who better to turn to than the guy who invaded the wrong country and started a depression (David Letterman Quotes) The best part about holiday parties is the alcohol. You have a couple of drinks and you tell your coworkers and your superiors what you really think about them. And then the fun begins (David Letterman Quotes) Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window (David Letterman Quotes) Two creative spirits in a relationship, I don’t think that’s the best way to go (David Letterman Quotes) Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are (David Letterman Quotes) I’d do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it’s too cold (David Letterman Quotes) Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants (David Letterman Quotes) The world’s oldest woman passed away at 116. They keep dying. I think that title may be cursed (David Letterman Quotes) According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead (David Letterman Quotes) The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies (David Letterman Quotes) Hillary’s trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit (David Letterman Quotes) Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that’s just the folks here in the audience (David Letterman Quotes) It’s two days until tax time. I know it’s late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss (David Letterman Quotes) Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned (David Letterman Quotes) You’ve got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss (David Letterman Quotes) Ladies and gentlemen, after what I’ve been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front (David Letterman Quotes) Night clubs scare me. They’re dark and they stink and they’re dangerous and everybody’s drunk (David Letterman Quotes) It’s disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk (David Letterman Quotes) I’m very resourceful. I’d be good in prison. I’d be good in a shipwreck. I’d make a great hostage (David Letterman Quotes) I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves (David Letterman Quotes) The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong (David Letterman Quotes) We’re told that they were zealots fueled by religious fervour.. Religious fervour and if you live to be a thousand years old will that make any sense to you? Will that make any goddamn sense? (David Letterman Quotes) I refused David Letterman’s proposal of marriage for obvious reasons, but thanks for asking (David Letterman Quotes) I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on (David Letterman Quotes)

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