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David Sedaris Quotes

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at Picture Quote #1

At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me Picture Quote #1

I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity Picture Quote #1

The message was that if something is free, you should only take the best. If, on the other hand, you’re forced to pay, it’s best to lower the bar and not be so choosy Picture Quote #1

Up close the city constitutes an oppressive series of staircases, but from a distance it inspires fantasies of wealth and power so profound that even our communists are temporarily rendered speechless Picture Quote #1

Sometimes the sins you haven’t committed are all you have left to hold onto Picture Quote #1

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He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face Picture Quote #1

I’ve always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives Picture Quote #1

Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive Picture Quote #1

They’re hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy Picture Quote #1

Like anyone nostalgic for a time he didn’t live through, I chose to weed out the little inconveniences: polio, say, or the thought of eating stewed squirrel. The world was simply grander back then, somehow more civilized, and nicer to look at Picture Quote #1

This was the consequence of seeing too much and understanding the horrible truth: No one is safe. The world is not manageable Picture Quote #1

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I had to wrestle daily with both my inadequacy and my uncontrollable jealousy. I didn’t want to kill her, but hoped someone else might do the job for me Picture Quote #1

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you Picture Quote #1

Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read Picture Quote #1

Whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels like Picture Quote #1

What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if I could find it Picture Quote #1

If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm? Picture Quote #1

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I hoped our lives would continue this way forever, but inevitably the past came knocking. Not the good kind that was collectible but the bad kind that had arthritis Picture Quote #1

Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns Picture Quote #1

If you are any kind of an artist, then validation... can be a result, but you’re going to do the work anyway Picture Quote #1

Some friendships are formed by a commonality of interests and ideas: you both love judo or camping or making your own sausage. Other friendships are forged in alliance against a common enemy Picture Quote #1

I’ve always been very upfront about the way I write, and I’ve always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration Picture Quote #1

The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it’s been declawed by the pompous insistence that most animosity is based upon fear rather than loathing... I hate computers. My hatred is entrenched, and I nourish it daily. I’m comfortable with it, and no community outreach program will change my mind Picture Quote #1

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Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That was romantic, or would have been had he rushed to my side rather than stepping over my body to fetch the dustpan Picture Quote #1

A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night Picture Quote #1

It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shaky ladder, the crazy person who pins you to the linoleum and insists, with increasing urgency, that everything you know and love can be undone by a grape Picture Quote #1

I hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me a lot of grief, but I’m pretty sure that after high school, this girl would have started anyway, especially if she chose the army over community college Picture Quote #1

Einstein wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That said, is it crazier to repeatedly throw yourself against a window, or to repeatedly open that window, believing the creatures that are throwing themselves against it might come into your house, take a look around, and leave with no hard feelings? Picture Quote #1

His embarassment would have pleased me, but once he recovered, there would be that awkward period that sometimes culminates in a handshake. I didn’t want to touch these people’s hands or see things from their point of view, I just wanted to continue hating them. So I kept my mouth shut and stared off into space Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at (David Sedaris Quotes) At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me (David Sedaris Quotes) I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity (David Sedaris Quotes) The message was that if something is free, you should only take the best. If, on the other hand, you’re forced to pay, it’s best to lower the bar and not be so choosy (David Sedaris Quotes) Up close the city constitutes an oppressive series of staircases, but from a distance it inspires fantasies of wealth and power so profound that even our communists are temporarily rendered speechless (David Sedaris Quotes) Sometimes the sins you haven’t committed are all you have left to hold onto (David Sedaris Quotes) He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face (David Sedaris Quotes) I’ve always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives (David Sedaris Quotes) Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive (David Sedaris Quotes) They’re hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy (David Sedaris Quotes) Like anyone nostalgic for a time he didn’t live through, I chose to weed out the little inconveniences: polio, say, or the thought of eating stewed squirrel. The world was simply grander back then, somehow more civilized, and nicer to look at (David Sedaris Quotes) This was the consequence of seeing too much and understanding the horrible truth: No one is safe. The world is not manageable (David Sedaris Quotes) I had to wrestle daily with both my inadequacy and my uncontrollable jealousy. I didn’t want to kill her, but hoped someone else might do the job for me (David Sedaris Quotes) Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you (David Sedaris Quotes) Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read (David Sedaris Quotes) Whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels like (David Sedaris Quotes) What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if I could find it (David Sedaris Quotes) If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm? (David Sedaris Quotes) I hoped our lives would continue this way forever, but inevitably the past came knocking. Not the good kind that was collectible but the bad kind that had arthritis (David Sedaris Quotes) Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns (David Sedaris Quotes) If you are any kind of an artist, then validation... can be a result, but you’re going to do the work anyway (David Sedaris Quotes) Some friendships are formed by a commonality of interests and ideas: you both love judo or camping or making your own sausage. Other friendships are forged in alliance against a common enemy (David Sedaris Quotes) I’ve always been very upfront about the way I write, and I’ve always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration (David Sedaris Quotes) The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it’s been declawed by the pompous insistence that most animosity is based upon fear rather than loathing... I hate computers. My hatred is entrenched, and I nourish it daily. I’m comfortable with it, and no community outreach program will change my mind (David Sedaris Quotes) Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That was romantic, or would have been had he rushed to my side rather than stepping over my body to fetch the dustpan (David Sedaris Quotes) A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night (David Sedaris Quotes) It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shaky ladder, the crazy person who pins you to the linoleum and insists, with increasing urgency, that everything you know and love can be undone by a grape (David Sedaris Quotes) I hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me a lot of grief, but I’m pretty sure that after high school, this girl would have started anyway, especially if she chose the army over community college (David Sedaris Quotes) Einstein wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That said, is it crazier to repeatedly throw yourself against a window, or to repeatedly open that window, believing the creatures that are throwing themselves against it might come into your house, take a look around, and leave with no hard feelings? (David Sedaris Quotes) His embarassment would have pleased me, but once he recovered, there would be that awkward period that sometimes culminates in a handshake. I didn’t want to touch these people’s hands or see things from their point of view, I just wanted to continue hating them. So I kept my mouth shut and stared off into space (David Sedaris Quotes)

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