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Deborah Tannen Quotes

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Relationships are made of talk - and talk is for girls and women  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Life is a matter of dealing with other people, in little matters and cataclysmic ones, and that means a series of conversations.  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you’re a woman, you can’t, because there is no unmarked woman.  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. To survive in the world, we have to act in concert with others, but to survive as ourselves, rather than simply as cogs in a wheel, we have to act alone.  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) The allure of love is to have someone who knows you so well that you don’t have to explain yourself. It is the promise of someone who cares enough about you to protect you against the world of strangers who do not wish you well.  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) It’s our tendency to approach every problem as if it were a fight between two sides. We see it in headlines that are always using metaphors for war. It’s a general atmosphere of animosity and contention that has taken over our public discourse  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) False dichotomies are often at the heart of discord  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Each person’s life is lived as a series of conversations  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Cooperation isn’t the absence of conflict but a means of managing conflict  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other’s  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) The key to conversation at work is flexibility and understanding how what you say might be perceived by others  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Many women feel it is natural to consult with their partners at every turn, while many men automatically make more decisions without consulting their partners  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) The desire for freedom and independence becomes more of an issue for many men in relationships, whereas interdependence and connection become more of an issue for many women  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) If women are often frustrated because men do not respond to their troubles by offering matching troubles, men are often frustrated because women do  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Though all humans need both intimacy and independence, women tend to focus on the first and men on the second. It is as if their lifeblood ran in different directions  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) The chivalrous man who holds a door open or signals a woman to go ahead of him when he’s driving is negotiating both status and connection  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Girls are not accustomed to jockeying for status in an obvious way; they are more concerned that they be liked  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Many men honestly do not know what women want, and women honestly do not know why men find what they want so hard to comprehend and deliver  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) The allure of love is to have someone who knows you so well that you don’t have to explain yourself. It is the promise of someone who cares enough about you to protect you against the world of strangers who do not wish you well  (Deborah Tannen Quotes) To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It’s a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued  (Deborah Tannen Quotes)
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