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Deep Thought Quotes

If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it’s probably best to avoid eye contact Picture Quote #1

You know something that would really make me applaud? A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis! How do they do that?! Picture Quote #1

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that’s like a regular window Picture Quote #1

If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don’t let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he’ll thank you Picture Quote #1

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door Picture Quote #1

If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you Picture Quote #1

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I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away Picture Quote #1

If you’re in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy’s glove touch your lips, because you don’t know where that glove has been Picture Quote #1

Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don’t think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass Picture Quote #1

If you’re a boxing referee, it’s probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors Picture Quote #1

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here’s a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness Picture Quote #1

A man doesn’t automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it Picture Quote #1

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It’s easy to sit there and say you’d like to have more money. And I guess that’s what I like about it. It’s easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money Picture Quote #1

I’d like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he’s flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that’s a documentary! Picture Quote #1

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that’s another weakness Picture Quote #1

It’s interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes, until finally they got the nerve to head out onto the plains, where some were probably hit by cars Picture Quote #1

If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: First, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes. There, isn’t that better? Picture Quote #1

It’s probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you’re talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something Picture Quote #1

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You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a flea? Getting caught inside a watch somehow. You don’t even care, do you Picture Quote #1

If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while? Come on, we’re not going to hurt it Picture Quote #1

Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now Picture Quote #1

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don’t think it necessarily means you’re a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance Picture Quote #1

A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they break into your castle, make them be real quiet, then open a door and there’s the monster, sound asleep Picture Quote #1

Isn’t it funny how we’ll look out the window at the moon, and then we notice it’s not the moon but a streetlight? Also what’s funny is how we do this every night Picture Quote #1

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I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey the president. Then somehow I get myself elected president Picture Quote #1

If you’re ever selling your house, and some people come by, and a big rat comes out and he’s dragging the rattrap because it didn’t quite kill him, just tell the people he’s your pet and that’s a trick you taught him Picture Quote #1

I think there probably should be a rule that if you’re talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it’s understood that you mean lengthwise loaves. Otherwise, it makes no sense Picture Quote #1

Worship the potato? The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship? It’s simple, it comes from the earth, and it can kill you if you disobey it Picture Quote #1

If you’re traveling in a time machine, and you’re eating corn on the cob, I don’t think it’s going to affect things one way or the other. But here’s the point I’m trying to make: Corn on the cob is good, isn’t it Picture Quote #1

I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you’re in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try the emergency brake! Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it’s probably best to avoid eye contact (Deep Thought Quotes) You know something that would really make me applaud? A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis! How do they do that?! (Deep Thought Quotes) Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that’s like a regular window (Deep Thought Quotes) If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don’t let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he’ll thank you (Deep Thought Quotes) Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door (Deep Thought Quotes) If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you (Deep Thought Quotes) I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away (Deep Thought Quotes) If you’re in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy’s glove touch your lips, because you don’t know where that glove has been (Deep Thought Quotes) Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don’t think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass (Deep Thought Quotes) If you’re a boxing referee, it’s probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors (Deep Thought Quotes) For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here’s a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness (Deep Thought Quotes) A man doesn’t automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it (Deep Thought Quotes) It’s easy to sit there and say you’d like to have more money. And I guess that’s what I like about it. It’s easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money (Deep Thought Quotes) I’d like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he’s flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that’s a documentary! (Deep Thought Quotes) If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that’s another weakness (Deep Thought Quotes) It’s interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes, until finally they got the nerve to head out onto the plains, where some were probably hit by cars (Deep Thought Quotes) If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: First, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes. There, isn’t that better? (Deep Thought Quotes) It’s probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you’re talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something (Deep Thought Quotes) You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a flea? Getting caught inside a watch somehow. You don’t even care, do you (Deep Thought Quotes) If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while? Come on, we’re not going to hurt it (Deep Thought Quotes) Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now (Deep Thought Quotes) If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don’t think it necessarily means you’re a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance (Deep Thought Quotes) A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they break into your castle, make them be real quiet, then open a door and there’s the monster, sound asleep (Deep Thought Quotes) Isn’t it funny how we’ll look out the window at the moon, and then we notice it’s not the moon but a streetlight? Also what’s funny is how we do this every night (Deep Thought Quotes) I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey the president. Then somehow I get myself elected president (Deep Thought Quotes) If you’re ever selling your house, and some people come by, and a big rat comes out and he’s dragging the rattrap because it didn’t quite kill him, just tell the people he’s your pet and that’s a trick you taught him (Deep Thought Quotes) I think there probably should be a rule that if you’re talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it’s understood that you mean lengthwise loaves. Otherwise, it makes no sense (Deep Thought Quotes) Worship the potato? The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship? It’s simple, it comes from the earth, and it can kill you if you disobey it (Deep Thought Quotes) If you’re traveling in a time machine, and you’re eating corn on the cob, I don’t think it’s going to affect things one way or the other. But here’s the point I’m trying to make: Corn on the cob is good, isn’t it (Deep Thought Quotes) I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you’re in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try the emergency brake! (Deep Thought Quotes)

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