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Deep Thought Quotes

Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half? Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way Picture Quote #1

You know what’s probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood Picture Quote #1

To me, there’s no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on a gravel road, and maybe there’s a globe lying next to him Picture Quote #1

If you ever go temporarily insane, don’t shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you’d really be surprised Picture Quote #1

If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you up a wall Picture Quote #1

If I ever become a mummy, I’m going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out Picture Quote #1

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I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not? Picture Quote #1

I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy Picture Quote #1

If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone’s lip. Even if they smash you, ick!, you’re all over their lip! Picture Quote #1

If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don’t think you could cover fuses in just one class. It’s just too rich a subject Picture Quote #1

Here’s a good tip for when you go to the beach: A sand dollar may look like a nice cracker that someone left, but trust me, they don’t taste like it Picture Quote #1

I wish there was a disease where you’re afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the patient down and have a long personal talk. After that, I’m not sure, but maybe you could throw some water in his face or something Picture Quote #1

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When you go to a party at somebody’s house, don’t automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often Picture Quote #1

People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don’t understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair Picture Quote #1

Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen’s round metal hat Picture Quote #1

Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving Picture Quote #1

How come, just as the rocket is launching, the astronauts don’t also shoot some fireworks out the window? It would make the whole takeoff look more impressive Picture Quote #1

When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe Picture Quote #1

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People just naturally assume that dogs would be incapable of working together on some sort of construction project. But what about just a big field full of holes? Picture Quote #1

Isn’t it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have some kind of pornography booth? Picture Quote #1

Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we’re not ready. But maybe they’ll change their tune after a little torture Picture Quote #1

If you’re a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are, little blacksmith Picture Quote #1

Let’s be honest: Isn’t a lot of what we call tap dancing really just nerves? Picture Quote #1

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I’d have all my money back Picture Quote #1

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If you’re a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away Picture Quote #1

If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their ants ate your baby Picture Quote #1

Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that’s the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise Picture Quote #1

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me Picture Quote #1

You can kidnap me and force me to be your watchdog if you want to. But I’m telling you, I will bark at any sound I hear and it will drive you crazy Picture Quote #1

Isn’t it funny how one minute life can be such a struggle, and the next minute you’re just driving real fast, swerving back and forth across the road? Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half? Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way (Deep Thought Quotes) You know what’s probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood (Deep Thought Quotes) To me, there’s no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on a gravel road, and maybe there’s a globe lying next to him (Deep Thought Quotes) If you ever go temporarily insane, don’t shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you’d really be surprised (Deep Thought Quotes) If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you up a wall (Deep Thought Quotes) If I ever become a mummy, I’m going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out (Deep Thought Quotes) I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not? (Deep Thought Quotes) I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy (Deep Thought Quotes) If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone’s lip. Even if they smash you, ick!, you’re all over their lip! (Deep Thought Quotes) If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don’t think you could cover fuses in just one class. It’s just too rich a subject (Deep Thought Quotes) Here’s a good tip for when you go to the beach: A sand dollar may look like a nice cracker that someone left, but trust me, they don’t taste like it (Deep Thought Quotes) I wish there was a disease where you’re afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the patient down and have a long personal talk. After that, I’m not sure, but maybe you could throw some water in his face or something (Deep Thought Quotes) When you go to a party at somebody’s house, don’t automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often (Deep Thought Quotes) People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don’t understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair (Deep Thought Quotes) Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen’s round metal hat (Deep Thought Quotes) Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving (Deep Thought Quotes) How come, just as the rocket is launching, the astronauts don’t also shoot some fireworks out the window? It would make the whole takeoff look more impressive (Deep Thought Quotes) When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe (Deep Thought Quotes) People just naturally assume that dogs would be incapable of working together on some sort of construction project. But what about just a big field full of holes? (Deep Thought Quotes) Isn’t it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have some kind of pornography booth? (Deep Thought Quotes) Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we’re not ready. But maybe they’ll change their tune after a little torture (Deep Thought Quotes) If you’re a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are, little blacksmith (Deep Thought Quotes) Let’s be honest: Isn’t a lot of what we call tap dancing really just nerves? (Deep Thought Quotes) I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I’d have all my money back (Deep Thought Quotes) If you’re a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away (Deep Thought Quotes) If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their ants ate your baby (Deep Thought Quotes) Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that’s the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise (Deep Thought Quotes) We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me (Deep Thought Quotes) You can kidnap me and force me to be your watchdog if you want to. But I’m telling you, I will bark at any sound I hear and it will drive you crazy (Deep Thought Quotes) Isn’t it funny how one minute life can be such a struggle, and the next minute you’re just driving real fast, swerving back and forth across the road? (Deep Thought Quotes)

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