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Deep Thought Quotes
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Sometimes I wonder if I’m patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides (Deep Thought Quotes)
It’s funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating (Deep Thought Quotes)
If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day, up on deck, I guess I’d go, but I’d try to find some excuse to leave early (Deep Thought Quotes)
Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don’t care who hears me, because I am beautiful (Deep Thought Quotes)
If you go to a costume party at your boss’s house, wouldn’t you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss’s wife? Trust me, it’s not (Deep Thought Quotes)
It’s not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you (Deep Thought Quotes)
If you ever discover that what you’re seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life (Deep Thought Quotes)
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home, his face might burn up (Deep Thought Quotes)
I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could probably use a cheap ice pick (Deep Thought Quotes)
I bet what happend was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then, that night, they burned the wheel (Deep Thought Quotes)
Here’s a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you (Deep Thought Quotes)
I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I’ll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me (Deep Thought Quotes)
He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that’s what I hated about him (Deep Thought Quotes)
If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs (Deep Thought Quotes)
The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him and called him a fruit. Man, I hate land like that (Deep Thought Quotes)
Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants (Deep Thought Quotes)
I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can’t hypnotize you (Deep Thought Quotes)
It’s amazing to me that one of the world’s most feared diseases would be carried by one of the world’s smallest animals: the real tiny dog (Deep Thought Quotes)
Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think (Deep Thought Quotes)
If I had a mine shaft, I don’t think I would just abandon it. There’s got to be a better way (Deep Thought Quotes)
I don’t think I’m alone when I say I’d like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system (Deep Thought Quotes)
When you’re riding in a time machine way far into the future, don’t stick your elbow out the window, or it’ll turn into a fossil (Deep Thought Quotes)
When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my life, I can’t think of a single one, unless you count that rattlesnake that granted me all those wishes (Deep Thought Quotes)
I don’t understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know? (Deep Thought Quotes)
I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence! (Deep Thought Quotes)
I wish scientists would come up with an ear of corn that was big and round, because then when you were eating it, it’d be fun to make chew marks in the shape of continents (Deep Thought Quotes)
When you’re going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up high behind you to keep people from following too close (Deep Thought Quotes)
Power is only vouchsafed to the man who dares to stoop and pick it up. There is only one thing, one thing needful: one has only to dare! (Deep Thought Quotes)
Nothing is more seductive for a man than his freedom of conscience, but nothing is a greater cause of suffering (Deep Thought Quotes)
I bleed for you that’s why I cut those simple scars are just deep thoughts (Deep Thought Quotes)