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Dennis Miller Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq (Dennis Miller Quotes)
The radical right is so homophobic that they’re blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt (Dennis Miller Quotes)
The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens (Dennis Miller Quotes)
What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy (Dennis Miller Quotes)
When you’re sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that’s a living hell (Dennis Miller Quotes)
America may be the best country in the world, but that’s kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school (Dennis Miller Quotes)
I’m one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown (Dennis Miller Quotes)
I’m sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy’s head off, they didn’t seem like much. and now, I like to trade them with my friends (Dennis Miller Quotes)
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being (Dennis Miller Quotes)
When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele (Dennis Miller Quotes)
My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I’m thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport (Dennis Miller Quotes)
Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You’re at 14:55 and we’re tickin’ big-time here, Chachi (Dennis Miller Quotes)
Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They’re *football* players, for chrissakes! (Dennis Miller Quotes)
When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar’s tomb (Dennis Miller Quotes)
Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through ‘Aida.’ (Dennis Miller Quotes)
Nervous? He’s tighter than Pat Buchanan’s sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island (Dennis Miller Quotes)
Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my 68 Cutlass on our first date after watching ‘Love Story’ at the drive-in (Dennis Miller Quotes)
It’s your living room, it’s your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it’s the Zapruder film (Dennis Miller Quotes)
Jerry Falwell says that abortion and homosexuality are sins. Oh yeah? Well, so is gluttony, Jerry. So maybe you should think about dropping 50 pounds (Dennis Miller Quotes)
Al Gore couldn’t be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator (Dennis Miller Quotes)
The Democrats continue to snipe at Bush. They’ll never give it up to him. You know Teddy Kennedy and Tom Daschle pick more nits than a father and son spider monkey team who know they’re being followed by a National Geographic film crew (Dennis Miller Quotes)
The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don’t. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in (Dennis Miller Quotes)
Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards’ lack of foreign policy experience, Kerry revealed his new campaign slogan, ‘I Promise Not to Die.’ (Dennis Miller Quotes)
A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That’s the second hand, George (Dennis Miller Quotes)
South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world’s longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their clothes with? Apar-Tide! (Dennis Miller Quotes)
If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion (Dennis Miller Quotes)
The way I’ve always governed my life as far as fiscal policy goes is I’m smart enough to know that I’m dumb about it, so I surround myself with smart people in much the same way a hole surrounds itself with a doughnut. I just pay things off. That’s all I do (Dennis Miller Quotes)
By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can’t go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1 (Dennis Miller Quotes)
We’ve got Nancy Pelosi. She never shuts up. It’s just occasionally we have to hood her like a falcon so we can get some sleep (Dennis Miller Quotes)
Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm about to go under. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents (Dennis Miller Quotes)