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Dennis Miller Quotes

After September 11th, freedom of speech in America has become a topic that’s touchier than a Vatican summer camp Picture Quote #1

The American education system couldn’t be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood Picture Quote #1

Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it’s all in the timing, huh? Picture Quote #1

Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you’d better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four of the five remaining 1932 Aston Martins still in road-worthy condition after you’d paid for life’s little necessities like hookers and weed, get your medulla oblongata out of your duodenum for a few milliseconds, and make a tackle or two, okay, Babe? Picture Quote #1

Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam We’re #1 finger Picture Quote #1

And I’ve always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking...yeah, that’s coming down Picture Quote #1

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Born again?! No, I’m not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time Picture Quote #1

Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars Picture Quote #1

Is global warming new? I don’t know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot Picture Quote #1

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels Picture Quote #1

Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie Picture Quote #1

I’ll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass Picture Quote #1

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I’m left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from overseas wants to blow up their wedding, that’s when I’m right Picture Quote #1

I’m extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son Picture Quote #1

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse Picture Quote #1

The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don’t see the world exactly the same way you do, take a deep breath, get out your Bill of Rights, and count to the ten amendments Picture Quote #1

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R’s only one begins with an R Picture Quote #1

I’m actually equal parts cynicism and apathy. I’m always willing to believe the worst as long as it doesn’t take too much effort Picture Quote #1

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American’s could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel Picture Quote #1

Growing up, my family wasn’t very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets Picture Quote #1

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God’s sake, they were blowing peoples’ heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn’t even coffee Picture Quote #1

We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. And the Chairman didn’t make his bones laying down for punks Picture Quote #1

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn’t be in this problem Picture Quote #1

I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I’m getting screwed Picture Quote #1

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Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt Picture Quote #1

Now, I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God’s way of letting you know that you’re having too good a time Picture Quote #1

The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God Picture Quote #1

Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I’m liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I’m kind of conservative on Picture Quote #1

It’s ironic that in our culture everyone’s biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity Picture Quote #1

Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let’s start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people’s jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

After September 11th, freedom of speech in America has become a topic that’s touchier than a Vatican summer camp. (Dennis Miller Quotes) The American education system couldn’t be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. (Dennis Miller Quotes) Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it’s all in the timing, huh? (Dennis Miller Quotes) Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you’d better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four of the five remaining 1932 Aston Martins still in road-worthy condition after you’d paid for life’s little necessities like hookers and weed, get your medulla oblongata out of your duodenum for a few milliseconds, and make a tackle or two, okay, Babe? (Dennis Miller Quotes) Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam We’re #1 finger. (Dennis Miller Quotes) And I’ve always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking...yeah, that’s coming down. (Dennis Miller Quotes) Born again?! No, I’m not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time. (Dennis Miller Quotes) Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars. (Dennis Miller Quotes) Is global warming new? I don’t know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot. (Dennis Miller Quotes) Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels. (Dennis Miller Quotes) Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie. (Dennis Miller Quotes) I’ll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass. (Dennis Miller Quotes) I’m left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from overseas wants to blow up their wedding, that’s when I’m right. (Dennis Miller Quotes) I’m extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son. (Dennis Miller Quotes) The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse. (Dennis Miller Quotes) The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don’t see the world exactly the same way you do, take a deep breath, get out your Bill of Rights, and count to the ten amendments. (Dennis Miller Quotes) You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R’s only one begins with an R. (Dennis Miller Quotes) I’m actually equal parts cynicism and apathy. I’m always willing to believe the worst as long as it doesn’t take too much effort. (Dennis Miller Quotes) American’s could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. (Dennis Miller Quotes) Growing up, my family wasn’t very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets... (Dennis Miller Quotes) And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God’s sake, they were blowing peoples’ heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn’t even coffee. (Dennis Miller Quotes) We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. And the Chairman didn’t make his bones laying down for punks... (Dennis Miller Quotes) If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn’t be in this problem. (Dennis Miller Quotes) I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I’m getting screwed (Dennis Miller Quotes) Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt (Dennis Miller Quotes) Now, I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God’s way of letting you know that you’re having too good a time. (Dennis Miller Quotes) The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God. (Dennis Miller Quotes) Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I’m liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I’m kind of conservative on. (Dennis Miller Quotes) It’s ironic that in our culture everyone’s biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity. (Dennis Miller Quotes) Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let’s start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people’s jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me. (Dennis Miller Quotes)

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