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Dennis Miller Quotes

A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run Picture Quote #1

It’s ironic that in our culture everyone’s biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity Picture Quote #1

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair? Picture Quote #1

A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods Picture Quote #1

I like money. It’s fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It’s just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain’s hat and a coin changer Picture Quote #1

Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate them for a myriad of real reasons Picture Quote #1

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There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can’t identify the victim Picture Quote #1

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you’ll need 2 bathrooms... both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in Picture Quote #1

Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry cleaned the next day Picture Quote #1

I’ll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass Picture Quote #1

If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago Picture Quote #1

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse Picture Quote #1

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I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party Picture Quote #1

Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester Picture Quote #1

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into the nursing home Picture Quote #1

I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I’m allowed to hate it if I want to Picture Quote #1

So who’s the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That’s it? I’m sorry, but it’s hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim Picture Quote #1

I’m a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round Picture Quote #1

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Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch Picture Quote #1

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don’t find these weapons of mass destruction. It’s enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again Picture Quote #1

I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at al Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run (Dennis Miller Quotes) It’s ironic that in our culture everyone’s biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity (Dennis Miller Quotes) Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair? (Dennis Miller Quotes) A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods (Dennis Miller Quotes) I like money. It’s fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It’s just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain’s hat and a coin changer (Dennis Miller Quotes) Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate them for a myriad of real reasons (Dennis Miller Quotes) There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can’t identify the victim (Dennis Miller Quotes) After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you’ll need 2 bathrooms... both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in (Dennis Miller Quotes) Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry cleaned the next day (Dennis Miller Quotes) I’ll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass (Dennis Miller Quotes) If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago (Dennis Miller Quotes) The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse (Dennis Miller Quotes) I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party (Dennis Miller Quotes) Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester (Dennis Miller Quotes) Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into the nursing home (Dennis Miller Quotes) I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I’m allowed to hate it if I want to (Dennis Miller Quotes) So who’s the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That’s it? I’m sorry, but it’s hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim (Dennis Miller Quotes) I’m a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round (Dennis Miller Quotes) Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch (Dennis Miller Quotes) Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don’t find these weapons of mass destruction. It’s enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again (Dennis Miller Quotes) I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at al (Dennis Miller Quotes)

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