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Doug Benson Quotes

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing Picture Quote #1

Any comedic entertainment is better when you get high Picture Quote #1

Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can forget it today? Picture Quote #1

I like to go see a ball game. I’ll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go Picture Quote #1

I’m sitting, waiting to get on the freeway, and I’m waiting my ass off. I look over at the side of the road, and there’s a hitchhiker with a sign and it says, ‘Pick me up, and you can drive in the carpool lane.’ I got to tell you, he was kind of smelly, but he was a good conversationalist Picture Quote #1

Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I’ve been using money Picture Quote #1

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It’s easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy Picture Quote #1

I used to make love to Green Day’s music. But 9 minutes? I’m not Superman Picture Quote #1

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes Picture Quote #1

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies Picture Quote #1

The genius’ behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we’ll probably forget that it’s number six. Or Rocky Balboa can’t count past five Picture Quote #1

Big deal... the only cats that don’t have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs Picture Quote #1

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I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don’t smoke pot think it’s a funny subject Picture Quote #1

P. Diddy’s gonna be exhausted, you know, running with the Olympic torch in one hand and the torch he’ll always carry for J-Lo in the other Picture Quote #1

People say pot-smokers are lazy. I disagree; I’m a multitasking pot-smoker: just the other day I was walking down the street, I was putting eyedrops in my eyes, I was talking on my cell phone, and I was getting hit by a car Picture Quote #1

If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I’m not going to get mad at them, because I’ve put it out there that that’s what I do Picture Quote #1

I know there’s a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it Picture Quote #1

Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as a performer, you’re better off not reading that stuff Picture Quote #1

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The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I’ve grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads Picture Quote #1

Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won’t shut the hell up about it Picture Quote #1

A talking dog is not the answer. That’s not a way to convince people not to smoke pot. If animals started talking to me, I would up my pot consumption just to make that happen Picture Quote #1

I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don’t smoke pot think it’s a funny subject Picture Quote #1

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man Picture Quote #1

Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I’ve been using money Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing (Doug Benson Quotes) Any comedic entertainment is better when you get high (Doug Benson Quotes) Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can forget it today? (Doug Benson Quotes) I like to go see a ball game. I’ll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go. (Doug Benson Quotes) I’m sitting, waiting to get on the freeway, and I’m waiting my ass off. I look over at the side of the road, and there’s a hitchhiker with a sign and it says, ‘Pick me up, and you can drive in the carpool lane.’ I got to tell you, he was kind of smelly, but he was a good conversationalist. (Doug Benson Quotes) Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I’ve been using money. (Doug Benson Quotes) It’s easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy. (Doug Benson Quotes) I used to make love to Green Day’s music. But 9 minutes? I’m not Superman. (Doug Benson Quotes) You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes (Doug Benson Quotes) LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies (Doug Benson Quotes) The genius’ behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we’ll probably forget that it’s number six. Or Rocky Balboa can’t count past five. (Doug Benson Quotes) Big deal... the only cats that don’t have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs. (Doug Benson Quotes) I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don’t smoke pot think it’s a funny subject. (Doug Benson Quotes) P. Diddy’s gonna be exhausted, you know, running with the Olympic torch in one hand and the torch he’ll always carry for J-Lo in the other. (Doug Benson Quotes) People say pot-smokers are lazy. I disagree; I’m a multitasking pot-smoker: just the other day I was walking down the street, I was putting eyedrops in my eyes, I was talking on my cell phone, and I was getting hit by a car (Doug Benson Quotes) If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I’m not going to get mad at them, because I’ve put it out there that that’s what I do (Doug Benson Quotes) I know there’s a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it (Doug Benson Quotes) Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as a performer, you’re better off not reading that stuff (Doug Benson Quotes) The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I’ve grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads (Doug Benson Quotes) Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won’t shut the hell up about it (Doug Benson Quotes) A talking dog is not the answer. That’s not a way to convince people not to smoke pot. If animals started talking to me, I would up my pot consumption just to make that happen (Doug Benson Quotes) I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don’t smoke pot think it’s a funny subject (Doug Benson Quotes) I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man (Doug Benson Quotes) Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I’ve been using money (Doug Benson Quotes)