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Doug Stanhope Quotes

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they’re ugly Picture Quote #1

I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father’s corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures Picture Quote #1

There should be no such thing as a vice law. Every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act Picture Quote #1

If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents Picture Quote #1

Democracy is the worst kind of government, I’m sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years? Picture Quote #1

Babies are like poems. They’re beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they’re silly and they’re irritating Picture Quote #1

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There’s nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don’t you just write it in a children’s birthday card Picture Quote #1

America takes credit for giving you freedom that you had anyway. It’s like going to a wedding and putting your tag on somebody elses box Picture Quote #1

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing Picture Quote #1

Tradition and heritage are all dead peoples baggage. Stop carrying it. Move forward Picture Quote #1

Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company Picture Quote #1

There’s times to be dainty and times to be a pig Picture Quote #1

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You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour Picture Quote #1

The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society Picture Quote #1

Life is like animal porn, it’s not for everyone Picture Quote #1

Whatever your problems are, keep in mind that you die at the end of all this. Lets get out there, brutalize ourselves and laugh at those certain pricks who take it seriously, like there is any way to win in all this Picture Quote #1

Life is like a movie, if you’ve sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn’t going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early Picture Quote #1

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt? Picture Quote #1

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There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life Picture Quote #1

If you’re offended by any word in any language, it’s probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child Picture Quote #1

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do Picture Quote #1

Babies are like poems. They’re beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they’re silly and they’re irritating Picture Quote #1

There’s only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs Picture Quote #1

A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop’s only job is to ruin the party Picture Quote #1

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I’m not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana’s never one of those. People think because I talk about drugs, that I smoke pot. But I don’t Picture Quote #1

I’m in a perfect position. I don’t want to be more famous and I can’t lose sponsors, so I can say anything I want Picture Quote #1

I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention Picture Quote #1

Theres a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue, when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years Picture Quote #1

The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they’re ugly. (Doug Stanhope Quotes) I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father’s corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures. (Doug Stanhope Quotes) There should be no such thing as a vice law. Every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act. (Doug Stanhope Quotes) If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents. (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Democracy is the worst kind of government, I’m sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years? (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Babies are like poems. They’re beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they’re silly and they’re irritating. (Doug Stanhope Quotes) There’s nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don’t you just write it in a children’s birthday card. (Doug Stanhope Quotes) America takes credit for giving you freedom that you had anyway. It’s like going to a wedding and putting your tag on somebody elses box. (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Tradition and heritage are all dead peoples baggage. Stop carrying it. Move forward (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company (Doug Stanhope Quotes) There’s times to be dainty and times to be a pig (Doug Stanhope Quotes) You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour (Doug Stanhope Quotes) The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Life is like animal porn, it’s not for everyone (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Whatever your problems are, keep in mind that you die at the end of all this. Lets get out there, brutalize ourselves and laugh at those certain pricks who take it seriously, like there is any way to win in all this (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Life is like a movie, if you’ve sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn’t going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early (Doug Stanhope Quotes) If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt? (Doug Stanhope Quotes) There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life (Doug Stanhope Quotes) If you’re offended by any word in any language, it’s probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Babies are like poems. They’re beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they’re silly and they’re irritating (Doug Stanhope Quotes) There’s only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs (Doug Stanhope Quotes) A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop’s only job is to ruin the party (Doug Stanhope Quotes) I’m not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana’s never one of those. People think because I talk about drugs, that I smoke pot. But I don’t (Doug Stanhope Quotes) I’m in a perfect position. I don’t want to be more famous and I can’t lose sponsors, so I can say anything I want (Doug Stanhope Quotes) I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention (Doug Stanhope Quotes) Theres a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue, when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years (Doug Stanhope Quotes) The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day (Doug Stanhope Quotes)

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