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Dov Davidoff Quotes
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you’ll end up hating yourself (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Upside of being an attractive woman; if you’re remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you’re brilliant. Downside: same thing. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
I find anger so comforting. It’s like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it’s a blanket none the less. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it’s been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Happiness is a carnival game. It’s never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Not sure how I feel about reality. I’m going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
You’re pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I’m just really passionate about apple pie. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
I really appreciate the way you don’t appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don’t feel good enough about myself to not date you. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you’re probably a bad actor. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Is it a bad sign when you see the person you’re dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you’re rear view mirror? (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn’t always a bad time, but it’s rarely a good one. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness? (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she’s what’s known as not at all attracted to me. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
A lot of people wouldn’t feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren’t dating my girlfriend. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can’t even be trusted to flush. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren’t consistent with one another. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Women want a man who is sensitive, but God forbid you can’t get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It’s not better or worse, but it is different. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
I’ve never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It’s just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
We’re born alone and we die alone. So in between, let’s spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
White people set goals, rappers ‘chase paper’, and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you’re definition of close friend. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic? (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
I’d like to expand the definition of the word ‘success’ to include ‘failure’ as the one seems inseparable from the other. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)
I don’t know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend. (Dov Davidoff Quotes)