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Eddie Izzard Quotes
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I like my coffee hot and strong. Like I like my women: hot and strong... with a spoon in them (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
They're not women's clothes. They're my clothes. I bought them (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
You piss me off you salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Peace, peace, peace. Peace is organized (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
I'd like to have sex with myself (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD! (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
If there were a God, don't you think he would have flicked Hitler's head off? (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Danger could be my middle name... But it's John (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
I don't believe that competitions are important (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
It’s my manifest destiny to wear a skirt in all countries (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel! (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Makeup's just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until, uh... well, until you killed them all, I suppose (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy and the psychosis of being a twisted character (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
Your eyes flashed fire into my soul. I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx, and in the words of Albert Schweitzer, I FANCY YOU! (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
So then there was the Greek, Socrates, he was great... He invented questioning. Before Socrates, no questioning. Everyone sort of went, ''Yeah, I suppose so." (Eddie Izzard Quotes)
You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in the world and stick it in your ears and go THBBBBBT (Eddie Izzard Quotes)