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Emo Philips Quotes

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes Picture Quote #1

I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet Picture Quote #1

Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen Picture Quote #1

I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code Picture Quote #1

Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs? Picture Quote #1

I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it’s hard to find 32 of them Picture Quote #1

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I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse? Picture Quote #1

Ambiguity is the devil’s volleyball Picture Quote #1

When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage Picture Quote #1

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, don’t do it! Picture Quote #1

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen Picture Quote #1

My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she’s reading Picture Quote #1

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing Picture Quote #1

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks Picture Quote #1

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper Picture Quote #1

Probably the worst time in a person’s life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it’s been a pretty good day Picture Quote #1

When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas Picture Quote #1

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote Picture Quote #1

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I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there’s never any gum under any of them Picture Quote #1

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn’t any gum under any of them Picture Quote #1

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson Picture Quote #1

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes Picture Quote #1

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn’t have any, they gave you some Picture Quote #1

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself Picture Quote #1

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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often Picture Quote #1

Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil Picture Quote #1

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me Picture Quote #1

So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon Picture Quote #1

I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they’ll panic and give in Picture Quote #1

I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it? Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes (Emo Philips Quotes) I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet (Emo Philips Quotes) Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen (Emo Philips Quotes) I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code (Emo Philips Quotes) Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs? (Emo Philips Quotes) I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it’s hard to find 32 of them (Emo Philips Quotes) I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse? (Emo Philips Quotes) Ambiguity is the devil’s volleyball (Emo Philips Quotes) When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage (Emo Philips Quotes) Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, don’t do it! (Emo Philips Quotes) I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen (Emo Philips Quotes) My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she’s reading (Emo Philips Quotes) A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing (Emo Philips Quotes) I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks (Emo Philips Quotes) I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper (Emo Philips Quotes) Probably the worst time in a person’s life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it’s been a pretty good day (Emo Philips Quotes) When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas (Emo Philips Quotes) At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote (Emo Philips Quotes) I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there’s never any gum under any of them (Emo Philips Quotes) I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn’t any gum under any of them (Emo Philips Quotes) I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson (Emo Philips Quotes) I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes (Emo Philips Quotes) In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn’t have any, they gave you some (Emo Philips Quotes) My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself (Emo Philips Quotes) My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often (Emo Philips Quotes) Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil (Emo Philips Quotes) I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me (Emo Philips Quotes) So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon (Emo Philips Quotes) I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they’ll panic and give in (Emo Philips Quotes) I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it? (Emo Philips Quotes)

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