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Erma Bombeck Quotes

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery Picture Quote #1

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt Picture Quote #1

I think it’s time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don’t have room to carry their own toys, if men don’t have pockets in their pants, tougho Picture Quote #1

A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room Picture Quote #1

When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility Picture Quote #1

The fact was I didn’t want to look my age, but I didn’t want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence Picture Quote #1

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I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit Picture Quote #1

I firmly believe kids don’t want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you’re in big trouble Picture Quote #1

Many people are intimidated by doctors.... People also feel stupid when they don’t understand what a doctor’s talking about the first time around, so they don’t ask again. And let’s be honest here, people. English is not a doctor’s first language Picture Quote #1

I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there Picture Quote #1

There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green Picture Quote #1

Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down.... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles Picture Quote #1

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I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill Picture Quote #1

It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football Picture Quote #1

For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us Picture Quote #1

Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged Picture Quote #1

The bad times I can handle. It’s the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop? Picture Quote #1

Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth Picture Quote #1

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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track? Picture Quote #1

Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible Picture Quote #1

Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don’t necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I’d be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can’t have everything Picture Quote #1

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage Picture Quote #1

No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love Picture Quote #1

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best Picture Quote #1

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Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact Picture Quote #1

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? Picture Quote #1

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy Picture Quote #1

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad Picture Quote #1

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up Picture Quote #1

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery (Erma Bombeck Quotes) There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I think it’s time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don’t have room to carry their own toys, if men don’t have pockets in their pants, tougho (Erma Bombeck Quotes) A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room (Erma Bombeck Quotes) When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility (Erma Bombeck Quotes) The fact was I didn’t want to look my age, but I didn’t want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I firmly believe kids don’t want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you’re in big trouble (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Many people are intimidated by doctors.... People also feel stupid when they don’t understand what a doctor’s talking about the first time around, so they don’t ask again. And let’s be honest here, people. English is not a doctor’s first language (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there (Erma Bombeck Quotes) There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down.... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill (Erma Bombeck Quotes) It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football (Erma Bombeck Quotes) For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged (Erma Bombeck Quotes) The bad times I can handle. It’s the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop? (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth (Erma Bombeck Quotes) The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track? (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don’t necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I’d be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can’t have everything (Erma Bombeck Quotes) If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage (Erma Bombeck Quotes) No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? (Erma Bombeck Quotes) For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy (Erma Bombeck Quotes) House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order (Erma Bombeck Quotes)

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