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Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
In two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people’s children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911 (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
It’s frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Families aren’t easy to join. They’re like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners (Erma Bombeck Quotes)
Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing (Erma Bombeck Quotes)