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Erma Bombeck Quotes

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty Picture Quote #1

I never go to a college reunion that I don’t come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to hang onto youth. I feel sorry for the men, too Picture Quote #1

My mother won’t admit it, but I’ve always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she’ll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again Picture Quote #1

What makes people laugh?... It’s a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who’s got one to give Picture Quote #1

I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie Picture Quote #1

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody’s home Picture Quote #1

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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later Picture Quote #1

I don’t know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal Picture Quote #1

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded Picture Quote #1

Motherhood isn’t just a series of contractions; it’s a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being Picture Quote #1

Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species Picture Quote #1

It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture Picture Quote #1

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Mother’s words of wisdom: Answer me! Don’t talk with food in your mouth! Picture Quote #1

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope Picture Quote #1

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren’t that crazy about either one of us Picture Quote #1

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian Picture Quote #1

Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each Picture Quote #1

Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved Picture Quote #1

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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal Picture Quote #1

The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight Picture Quote #1

Crocodiles have a smile I’ve seen on the face of every lawyer I’ve ever met Picture Quote #1

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield Picture Quote #1

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it’s time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward Picture Quote #1

... I remember thinking how often we look, but never see... we listen, but never hear... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive Picture Quote #1

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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms... and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together Picture Quote #1

He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn’t afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescription filled. He took lots of pictures... but he was never in them Picture Quote #1

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment’s anxiety, and was never a child Picture Quote #1

Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who have been dealt a hand for life and play each card one at a time the best way they know how. No mother is all good or all bad, all laughing or all serious, all loving or all angry. Ambivalence rushes through their veins Picture Quote #1

Given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it... live it... and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff. Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what. Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us Picture Quote #1

I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you’re both breathless. They crash... you add a longer tail... you patch and comfort, adjust and teach. You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they’ll fly Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I never go to a college reunion that I don’t come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to hang onto youth. I feel sorry for the men, too (Erma Bombeck Quotes) My mother won’t admit it, but I’ve always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she’ll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again (Erma Bombeck Quotes) What makes people laugh?... It’s a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who’s got one to give (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie (Erma Bombeck Quotes) You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody’s home (Erma Bombeck Quotes) When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I don’t know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Motherhood isn’t just a series of contractions; it’s a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species (Erma Bombeck Quotes) It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Mother’s words of wisdom: Answer me! Don’t talk with food in your mouth! (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope (Erma Bombeck Quotes) My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren’t that crazy about either one of us (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved (Erma Bombeck Quotes) People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal (Erma Bombeck Quotes) The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Crocodiles have a smile I’ve seen on the face of every lawyer I’ve ever met (Erma Bombeck Quotes) With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield (Erma Bombeck Quotes) For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it’s time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward (Erma Bombeck Quotes) ... I remember thinking how often we look, but never see... we listen, but never hear... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive (Erma Bombeck Quotes) The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms... and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together (Erma Bombeck Quotes) He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn’t afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescription filled. He took lots of pictures... but he was never in them (Erma Bombeck Quotes) The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment’s anxiety, and was never a child (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who have been dealt a hand for life and play each card one at a time the best way they know how. No mother is all good or all bad, all laughing or all serious, all loving or all angry. Ambivalence rushes through their veins (Erma Bombeck Quotes) Given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it... live it... and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff. Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what. Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us (Erma Bombeck Quotes) I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you’re both breathless. They crash... you add a longer tail... you patch and comfort, adjust and teach. You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they’ll fly (Erma Bombeck Quotes)

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