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George Carlin Quotes

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences Picture Quote #1

I'm a high tech low life. A cutting edge, state of the art bi coastal multi-asker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! Picture Quote #1

The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you Picture Quote #1

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive Picture Quote #1

You can take and nail two sticks together like they've never been nailed together before and some fool will buy it Picture Quote #1

People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them Picture Quote #1

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Homemade is a myth. You want to know some things that are homemade? Crystal meth. Crack cocaine. A pipe bomb full of nails. Now we're talkin' homemade Picture Quote #1

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better Picture Quote #1

My advice: just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place Picture Quote #1

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to Picture Quote #1

Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience Picture Quote #1

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim Picture Quote #1

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And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope Picture Quote #1

When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me Picture Quote #1

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love? Picture Quote #1

I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played Picture Quote #1

If you had yourself cloned, who exactly, would be your parents? Can you raise yourself? I guess so. And it might be fun. Just think, by the age of six you'd be driving yourself to school Picture Quote #1

In some company it's perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick Picture Quote #1

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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals! Picture Quote #1

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body Picture Quote #1

I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again Picture Quote #1

Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We’re not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast Picture Quote #1

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another Picture Quote #1

You can’t be the fastest gun in town forever. There comes a time when you’re not the golden boy, and you have to go off somewhere and figure yourself out Picture Quote #1

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I don’t consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist Picture Quote #1

Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can’t Picture Quote #1

Voting is a meaningless exercise. I’m not going to waste my time with it. These parties, these politicians are given to us as a way of making us feel we have freedom of choice. But we don’t. Everything is done to you in this country Picture Quote #1

The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me! Any time a bunch of holy people want to go out and kill each other I’m a happy guy! Picture Quote #1

In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home Picture Quote #1

I’m in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn’t include malignant tumors Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

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Text Quotes

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences (George Carlin Quotes) I'm a high tech low life. A cutting edge, state of the art bi coastal multi-asker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! (George Carlin Quotes) The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you (George Carlin Quotes) Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive (George Carlin Quotes) You can take and nail two sticks together like they've never been nailed together before and some fool will buy it (George Carlin Quotes) People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them (George Carlin Quotes) Homemade is a myth. You want to know some things that are homemade? Crystal meth. Crack cocaine. A pipe bomb full of nails. Now we're talkin' homemade (George Carlin Quotes) I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better (George Carlin Quotes) My advice: just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place (George Carlin Quotes) I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to (George Carlin Quotes) Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience (George Carlin Quotes) One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim (George Carlin Quotes) And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope (George Carlin Quotes) When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me (George Carlin Quotes) Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love? (George Carlin Quotes) I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played (George Carlin Quotes) If you had yourself cloned, who exactly, would be your parents? Can you raise yourself? I guess so. And it might be fun. Just think, by the age of six you'd be driving yourself to school (George Carlin Quotes) In some company it's perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick (George Carlin Quotes) Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals! (George Carlin Quotes) Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body (George Carlin Quotes) I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again (George Carlin Quotes) Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We’re not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast (George Carlin Quotes) All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another (George Carlin Quotes) You can’t be the fastest gun in town forever. There comes a time when you’re not the golden boy, and you have to go off somewhere and figure yourself out (George Carlin Quotes) I don’t consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist (George Carlin Quotes) Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can’t (George Carlin Quotes) Voting is a meaningless exercise. I’m not going to waste my time with it. These parties, these politicians are given to us as a way of making us feel we have freedom of choice. But we don’t. Everything is done to you in this country (George Carlin Quotes) The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me! Any time a bunch of holy people want to go out and kill each other I’m a happy guy! (George Carlin Quotes) In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home (George Carlin Quotes) I’m in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn’t include malignant tumors (George Carlin Quotes)

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