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George Carlin Quotes

Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: Take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground Picture Quote #1

I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else Picture Quote #1

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything’s dying Picture Quote #1

Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods Picture Quote #1

Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy Picture Quote #1

The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he’s still as funny as he’s ever been, and he’s still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I’ll still be able to work Picture Quote #1

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Well, I’m kinda like George Carlin. I think that there ought to be a time where everybody should have all the drugs they want and there’d be nobody in charge, sort of like... now! Picture Quote #1

I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn’t do well for years, and I quit. I started to break down why I was afraid and started to look at people I admired, like Richard Pryor, eddie Murphy, freddie Prinze, george Carlin and all Picture Quote #1

The first thing I said to myself on 9/11 was, ‘There go our civil rights.’ I found out by comparing notes later that George Carlin and I both said that at the exact same time. That’s the first thing that popped into our head Picture Quote #1

George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live Picture Quote #1

I like George Carlin’s jokes. I like his humor. He’s one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things Picture Quote #1

George Carlin’s album, ‘Class Clown,’ came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I’d come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don’t even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it Picture Quote #1

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I don’t know how you feel, but I’m pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate Picture Quote #1

People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: ‘I’m such a klutz!’ But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver Picture Quote #1

There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. ‘Tom, I’d like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.’ These days, Trajedi Picture Quote #1

There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers Picture Quote #1

I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there’s nothin’ like it. It’s a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you’re thinking. ‘Aw, he’s a comedian. He’s just sayin’ that stuff.’ Good. That’s exactly what I want you to think Picture Quote #1

I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I’m expressing them Picture Quote #1

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Y’ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it’s because all the coats are on the bed Picture Quote #1

[On School Uniforms] Don’t these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It’s not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German Picture Quote #1

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American - you know, you grow Picture Quote #1

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook Picture Quote #1

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was? Picture Quote #1

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians! Picture Quote #1

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And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Picture Quote #1

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to Picture Quote #1

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights Picture Quote #1

My tombstone? I’m thinking something along the lines of, ‘Geez, he was just here a minute ago.’ Picture Quote #1

I’ve never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea Picture Quote #1

If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it’s hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side? Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: Take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground (George Carlin Quotes) I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else (George Carlin Quotes) Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything’s dying (George Carlin Quotes) Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods (George Carlin Quotes) Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy (George Carlin Quotes) The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he’s still as funny as he’s ever been, and he’s still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I’ll still be able to work (George Carlin Quotes) Well, I’m kinda like George Carlin. I think that there ought to be a time where everybody should have all the drugs they want and there’d be nobody in charge, sort of like... now! (George Carlin Quotes) I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn’t do well for years, and I quit. I started to break down why I was afraid and started to look at people I admired, like Richard Pryor, eddie Murphy, freddie Prinze, george Carlin and all (George Carlin Quotes) The first thing I said to myself on 9/11 was, ‘There go our civil rights.’ I found out by comparing notes later that George Carlin and I both said that at the exact same time. That’s the first thing that popped into our head (George Carlin Quotes) George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live (George Carlin Quotes) I like George Carlin’s jokes. I like his humor. He’s one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things (George Carlin Quotes) George Carlin’s album, ‘Class Clown,’ came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I’d come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don’t even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it (George Carlin Quotes) I don’t know how you feel, but I’m pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate (George Carlin Quotes) People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: ‘I’m such a klutz!’ But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver (George Carlin Quotes) There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. ‘Tom, I’d like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.’ These days, Trajedi (George Carlin Quotes) There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers (George Carlin Quotes) I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there’s nothin’ like it. It’s a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you’re thinking. ‘Aw, he’s a comedian. He’s just sayin’ that stuff.’ Good. That’s exactly what I want you to think (George Carlin Quotes) I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I’m expressing them (George Carlin Quotes) Y’ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it’s because all the coats are on the bed (George Carlin Quotes) [On School Uniforms] Don’t these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It’s not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German (George Carlin Quotes) I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American - you know, you grow (George Carlin Quotes) I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook (George Carlin Quotes) If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was? (George Carlin Quotes) Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians! (George Carlin Quotes) And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National (George Carlin Quotes) When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to (George Carlin Quotes) I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights (George Carlin Quotes) My tombstone? I’m thinking something along the lines of, ‘Geez, he was just here a minute ago.’ (George Carlin Quotes) I’ve never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea (George Carlin Quotes) If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it’s hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side? (George Carlin Quotes)

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