Advertisements
George Carlin Quotes
Advertisements
Advertisements
Advertisements
Advertisements
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Advertisements
Text Quotes
I’m tired of hearing about innocent victims. It’s fiction, If you live on this planet you’re guilty, period, f*** you, next case, end of report. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt (George Carlin Quotes)
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes (George Carlin Quotes)
Something is wrong. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, crime, torture, corruption and the ice capades. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. This is not what you expect to find on the resume of a supreme being. It’s what you expect from an office temp with a bad attitude (George Carlin Quotes)
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone (George Carlin Quotes)
You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! (George Carlin Quotes)
Like on the airlines, they say they want to ‘pre-board’. Well, what the hell is ‘pre board’? What does that mean? To get on before you get on? (George Carlin Quotes)
Sometimes guys’ll say to you, ‘Have a good one’. I say, ‘I already have a good one. Now I’m looking for a longer one’ (George Carlin Quotes)
I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from (George Carlin Quotes)
Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody’s gonna be disappointed! Somebody’s wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone? (George Carlin Quotes)
Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don’t like I think you have the right to kill me (George Carlin Quotes)
I do not believe in God. I’m an atheist. I consider myself a critical thinker, and it fascinates me that in the 21st century most people still believe in, as George Carlin puts it, ‘the invisible man living in the sky’ (George Carlin Quotes)
It’s the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin’ different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That’s our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free (George Carlin Quotes)
Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is (George Carlin Quotes)
So I live in Los Angeles, and it’s kind of a goofy place. They have an airport named after John Wayne. That ought to explain it. It has a charming kind of superstitious innocence (George Carlin Quotes)
I don’t get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I consider them to be symbols and I leave symbols to the symbol minded (George Carlin Quotes)
Valentine’s Day is devoted to love. Why don’t we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every hour of the day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o’clock news (George Carlin Quotes)
Next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you’re in a science fiction movie. And whisper, ‘The creature is regenerating itself.’ (George Carlin Quotes)
The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It’s not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone (George Carlin Quotes)
Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend (George Carlin Quotes)
Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It’s called assohol (George Carlin Quotes)
George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that’s what I’m trying to do (George Carlin Quotes)
I was a huge fan of comedy and movies and TV growing up, and I was able to memorize and mimic a lot of things, not realizing that that meant I probably wanted to be an actor. I just really, really amused myself and my friends with memorizing entire George Carlin or Steve Martin albums (George Carlin Quotes)
I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people’s albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson (George Carlin Quotes)
I was influenced by a lot of stand-up comedians... Eddie Murphy back when he was doing ‘Raw.’ I watched that so many times as a kid, I can probably still quote the entire thing to this day. Chris Rock. Dave Chappelle. George Carlin. A lot of the guys who were sort of edgy for their time (George Carlin Quotes)
People say, ‘I’m going to sleep now,’ as if it were nothing. But it’s really a bizarre activity. ‘For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I’m going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life (George Carlin Quotes)
Why do ‘slow down’ and ‘slow up’ mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? (George Carlin Quotes)
No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It’s very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open (George Carlin Quotes)
Matt 13:57. Then Jesus told them, ‘A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his own family.’ The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going (George Carlin Quotes)
What exactly is ‘viewer discretion’? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air (George Carlin Quotes)
On Thanksgiving, you realize you’re living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves (George Carlin Quotes)