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George Carlin Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
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Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
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Text Quotes
Barry Goldwater has definitely decided to be a candidate in 64. He will campaign in all thirteen states (George Carlin Quotes)
Sex always has consequences. When Hitler’s mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs (George Carlin Quotes)
Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision; it’s not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You’re collusive with the religion when you accept it; you have a choice (George Carlin Quotes)
I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I’m free to dream. So there is some compulsion involved. But the dividend I get is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld (George Carlin Quotes)
As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I’m truly alone, as we all are on the planet, after all. Every atom in us is originally from a star. And during my moments of aloneness, I’m most mindful of that; that I’m just another group of matter randomly but wonderfully arranged. That’s when I feel my immortality (George Carlin Quotes)
It’s depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them (George Carlin Quotes)
There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day (George Carlin Quotes)
I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn’t, to my way of thinking, mean that you’re an advanced civilization. (George Carlin Quotes)
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. (George Carlin Quotes)
Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that’s another story (George Carlin Quotes)
When someone is impatient and says, ‘I haven’t got all day,’ I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? (George Carlin Quotes)
I often wonder how different the world would be if Hitler had not been turned down when he applied to art school. (George Carlin Quotes)
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that (George Carlin Quotes)
The patterns became even more vivid at Cardinal Hayes High School. That’s when I began failing subjects and running away from home for days at a time. (George Carlin Quotes)
The Baby Boomers: whiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: Gimme that! It’s mine! (George Carlin Quotes)
Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I’m not saying I’m better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children. (George Carlin Quotes)
I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . . (George Carlin Quotes)
One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I’d like to use my future ownership of property to give something back. (George Carlin Quotes)
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live (George Carlin Quotes)
The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it’s all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition. (George Carlin Quotes)
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I’ll be safe at home! (George Carlin Quotes)
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything’s dying. (George Carlin Quotes)
The first obligation I have is to be funny; it’s my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes. (George Carlin Quotes)
In adolescence you have to separate yourself and establish your identity. So, being very independent anyway, I took charge. (George Carlin Quotes)
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left? (George Carlin Quotes)
At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure (George Carlin Quotes)
I saw Danny Kaye in a movie, and he was doing voices and faces on that big, big screen and making whole audiences laugh. It was just an instant hookup. (George Carlin Quotes)
Everything that you know about yourself comes from thinking back, and I think I saw religion as the first big betrayal of me. (George Carlin Quotes)
A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it’s not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. (George Carlin Quotes)
If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help. (George Carlin Quotes)