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Henny Youngman Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money (Henny Youngman Quotes)
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading (Henny Youngman Quotes)
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television (Henny Youngman Quotes)
What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money. (Henny Youngman Quotes)
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,’Cough’ (Henny Youngman Quotes)
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to (Henny Youngman Quotes)
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it (Henny Youngman Quotes)
When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say (Henny Youngman Quotes)
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink (Henny Youngman Quotes)
What is a home without children? Quiet (Henny Youngman Quotes)
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student (Henny Youngman Quotes)
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters (Henny Youngman Quotes)
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him (Henny Youngman Quotes)
My wife has a black belt in shopping (Henny Youngman Quotes)
I live about four muggings from Central Park (Henny Youngman Quotes)
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill (Henny Youngman Quotes)
I’ve kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed (Henny Youngman Quotes)
Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve been doing nothing for years. (Henny Youngman Quotes)
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex. (Henny Youngman Quotes)
I’m paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free? (Henny Youngman Quotes)
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable (Henny Youngman Quotes)
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. (Henny Youngman Quotes)
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport (Henny Youngman Quotes)
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays (Henny Youngman Quotes)
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn’t come in until half-past five (Henny Youngman Quotes)
I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back (Henny Youngman Quotes)
You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it (Henny Youngman Quotes)
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards (Henny Youngman Quotes)
We aim to please... You aim too, please (Henny Youngman Quotes)
I’ve got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn’t too bad (Henny Youngman Quotes)