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Henny Youngman Quotes

When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win Picture Quote #1

Let’s get up here before we get killed! Picture Quote #1

Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us! Picture Quote #1

On dancing on pointe: Why don’t they just get taller girls? Picture Quote #1

There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate Picture Quote #1

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop Picture Quote #1

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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others Picture Quote #1

Don’t move! I want to forget you just the way you are Picture Quote #1

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle Picture Quote #1

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late Picture Quote #1

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means Picture Quote #1

I know a man who doesn’t pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car Picture Quote #1

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My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but can she climb a tree Picture Quote #1

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months Picture Quote #1

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet Picture Quote #1

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places Picture Quote #1

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she’d kill me. She thinks I’m selling dope Picture Quote #1

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it’s feet first! Picture Quote #1

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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip Picture Quote #1

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out Picture Quote #1

I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase Picture Quote #1

We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse Picture Quote #1

If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked? Picture Quote #1

I don’t fly on account of my religion. I’m a devout coward Picture Quote #1

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My wife lost all her credit cards, but I’m not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does! Picture Quote #1

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you’re it Picture Quote #1

My wife told me the car wasn’t running well. There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win (Henny Youngman Quotes) Let’s get up here before we get killed! (Henny Youngman Quotes) Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us! (Henny Youngman Quotes) On dancing on pointe: Why don’t they just get taller girls? (Henny Youngman Quotes) There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate (Henny Youngman Quotes) Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop (Henny Youngman Quotes) All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others (Henny Youngman Quotes) Don’t move! I want to forget you just the way you are (Henny Youngman Quotes) My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle (Henny Youngman Quotes) If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late (Henny Youngman Quotes) Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means (Henny Youngman Quotes) I know a man who doesn’t pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car (Henny Youngman Quotes) My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but can she climb a tree (Henny Youngman Quotes) A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months (Henny Youngman Quotes) I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet (Henny Youngman Quotes) I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places (Henny Youngman Quotes) If my mother knew I did this for a living, she’d kill me. She thinks I’m selling dope (Henny Youngman Quotes) My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it’s feet first! (Henny Youngman Quotes) The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip (Henny Youngman Quotes) There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out (Henny Youngman Quotes) I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase (Henny Youngman Quotes) We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse (Henny Youngman Quotes) If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked? (Henny Youngman Quotes) I don’t fly on account of my religion. I’m a devout coward (Henny Youngman Quotes) My wife lost all her credit cards, but I’m not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does! (Henny Youngman Quotes) Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you’re it (Henny Youngman Quotes) My wife told me the car wasn’t running well. There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake (Henny Youngman Quotes)

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