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Jackie Mason Quotes

Jews are living in the past and they can’t get over it Picture Quote #1

My comedy doesn’t come from any calculations and studies Picture Quote #1

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something Picture Quote #1

I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that’s it Picture Quote #1

Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do Picture Quote #1

The Clintons represent the highest level of corruption, but no one has the courage to mention it. Instead they talk about Rudy Giuliani. Over a lifetime of excellent service, there’s never been a hint of corruption in his behavior but everybody investigates him Picture Quote #1

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My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I’m 70 or if I’m 20? The audience knows they aren’t getting any old stories from me Picture Quote #1

I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It’s funny because it’s ridiculous and it’s ridiculous for different reasons at different times Picture Quote #1

Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his Picture Quote #1

I can’t pretend that I’m a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn’t know what he’s talking about Picture Quote #1

I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It’s funny because it’s ridiculous and it’s ridiculous for different reasons at different times Picture Quote #1

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe Picture Quote #1

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On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It’s almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile Picture Quote #1

I’ve been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what’s going to happen with our country in the future Picture Quote #1

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life Picture Quote #1

I’d much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club Picture Quote #1

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can’t tear the tag off the mattress Picture Quote #1

I didn’t think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives Picture Quote #1

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I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs Picture Quote #1

My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I’m 70 or if I’m 20? The audience knows they aren’t getting any old stories from me Picture Quote #1

I can’t pretend that I’m a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn’t know what he’s talking about Picture Quote #1

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money Picture Quote #1

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something Picture Quote #1

I can’t predict the future and I don’t have respect for people who try to Picture Quote #1

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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like Picture Quote #1

Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Jews are living in the past and they can’t get over it (Jackie Mason Quotes) My comedy doesn’t come from any calculations and studies (Jackie Mason Quotes) I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something (Jackie Mason Quotes) I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that’s it. (Jackie Mason Quotes) Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do. (Jackie Mason Quotes) The Clintons represent the highest level of corruption, but no one has the courage to mention it. Instead they talk about Rudy Giuliani. Over a lifetime of excellent service, there’s never been a hint of corruption in his behavior but everybody investigates him. (Jackie Mason Quotes) My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I’m 70 or if I’m 20? The audience knows they aren’t getting any old stories from me. (Jackie Mason Quotes) I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It’s funny because it’s ridiculous and it’s ridiculous for different reasons at different times. (Jackie Mason Quotes) Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his. (Jackie Mason Quotes) I can’t pretend that I’m a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn’t know what he’s talking about. (Jackie Mason Quotes) I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It’s funny because it’s ridiculous and it’s ridiculous for different reasons at different times (Jackie Mason Quotes) Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe (Jackie Mason Quotes) On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It’s almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile (Jackie Mason Quotes) I’ve been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what’s going to happen with our country in the future (Jackie Mason Quotes) It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life (Jackie Mason Quotes) I’d much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club (Jackie Mason Quotes) America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can’t tear the tag off the mattress (Jackie Mason Quotes) I didn’t think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives (Jackie Mason Quotes) I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs (Jackie Mason Quotes) My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I’m 70 or if I’m 20? The audience knows they aren’t getting any old stories from me (Jackie Mason Quotes) I can’t pretend that I’m a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn’t know what he’s talking about (Jackie Mason Quotes) Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money (Jackie Mason Quotes) I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something (Jackie Mason Quotes) I can’t predict the future and I don’t have respect for people who try to (Jackie Mason Quotes) It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like (Jackie Mason Quotes)