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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

These pretzels are making me thirsty! Picture Quote #1

Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise Picture Quote #1

I love being a dad. I just love it Picture Quote #1

People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public Picture Quote #1

In my world, the wronger something feels, the righter it is Picture Quote #1

I love the day date. No wine, no shower Picture Quote #1

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Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success Picture Quote #1

Even if you ruin your appetite, there’s another appetite comin’ right behind it Picture Quote #1

Success is the enemy of comedy Picture Quote #1

People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them Picture Quote #1

If someone’s lying, are their pants really on fire Picture Quote #1

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important Picture Quote #1

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You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish Picture Quote #1

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ‘I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.’ Picture Quote #1

When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself Picture Quote #1

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end Picture Quote #1

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’ Picture Quote #1

Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities Picture Quote #1

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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations Picture Quote #1

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything Picture Quote #1

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash Picture Quote #1

I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ‘em on the menu Picture Quote #1

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn’t really bother me Picture Quote #1

The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you’re into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end Picture Quote #1

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Let’s face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you’ll end up naked at the end of it Picture Quote #1

It’s like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It’s like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That’s what Transcendental Meditation is! Picture Quote #1

People don’t think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home Picture Quote #1

Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman’s exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives Picture Quote #1

The greatest Jewish tradition is to laugh. The cornerstone of Jewish survival has always been to find humor in life and in ourselves Picture Quote #1

I love advertising because I love lying. I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to buy useless, low-quality, misrepresented items and services is an excellent use of your energy Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

These pretzels are making me thirsty! (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) I love being a dad. I just love it (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) In my world, the wronger something feels, the righter it is (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) I love the day date. No wine, no shower (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Even if you ruin your appetite, there’s another appetite comin’ right behind it (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Success is the enemy of comedy (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) If someone’s lying, are their pants really on fire (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Work is the least important thing and family is the most important (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ‘I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.’ (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’ (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ‘em on the menu (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn’t really bother me (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you’re into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Let’s face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you’ll end up naked at the end of it (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) It’s like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It’s like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That’s what Transcendental Meditation is! (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) People don’t think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman’s exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) The greatest Jewish tradition is to laugh. The cornerstone of Jewish survival has always been to find humor in life and in ourselves (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes) I love advertising because I love lying. I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to buy useless, low-quality, misrepresented items and services is an excellent use of your energy (Jerry Seinfeld Quotes)

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