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Jim Norton Quotes

For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD Picture Quote #1

I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil Picture Quote #1

I’d rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire Picture Quote #1

And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they’re all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child Picture Quote #1

You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living Picture Quote #1

People don’t mind positive stereotypes. People don’t mind positive assumptions. It’s only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary Picture Quote #1

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People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn’t Picture Quote #1

I should call myself four market Norton. I’m great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey Picture Quote #1

When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It’s really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that’s the irritating side of it Picture Quote #1

The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it Picture Quote #1

I appreciate that the New York Daily News will show dead bodies but blur the cover of a French parody magazine. Just out of respect, right guys? Picture Quote #1

From now on, anyone raped at Penn State should just tell Joe Paterno’s statue. It couldn’t help you any less than the real Joe would have Picture Quote #1

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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh Picture Quote #1

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married Picture Quote #1

You look like a diabetic strip club owner Picture Quote #1

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don’t walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don’t like Picture Quote #1

My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I’m doing it Picture Quote #1

People don’t mind positive stereotypes. People don’t mind positive assumptions. It’s only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary Picture Quote #1

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I’m embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don’t like Picture Quote #1

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn’t Picture Quote #1

People are too worried a lot of times what other people in the audience are going to think about them, so they like to feign offense so other people don’t think that they’re inappropriate for laughing at something Picture Quote #1

What’s the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester? Picture Quote #1

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it Picture Quote #1

The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD. (Jim Norton Quotes) I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil (Jim Norton Quotes) I’d rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire (Jim Norton Quotes) And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they’re all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child. (Jim Norton Quotes) You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living. (Jim Norton Quotes) People don’t mind positive stereotypes. People don’t mind positive assumptions. It’s only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary. (Jim Norton Quotes) People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn’t. (Jim Norton Quotes) I should call myself four market Norton. I’m great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey (Jim Norton Quotes) When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It’s really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that’s the irritating side of it (Jim Norton Quotes) The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it (Jim Norton Quotes) I appreciate that the New York Daily News will show dead bodies but blur the cover of a French parody magazine. Just out of respect, right guys? (Jim Norton Quotes) From now on, anyone raped at Penn State should just tell Joe Paterno’s statue. It couldn’t help you any less than the real Joe would have (Jim Norton Quotes) Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh (Jim Norton Quotes) God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married (Jim Norton Quotes) You look like a diabetic strip club owner (Jim Norton Quotes) Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don’t walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don’t like (Jim Norton Quotes) My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I’m doing it (Jim Norton Quotes) People don’t mind positive stereotypes. People don’t mind positive assumptions. It’s only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary (Jim Norton Quotes) I’m embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don’t like (Jim Norton Quotes) People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn’t (Jim Norton Quotes) People are too worried a lot of times what other people in the audience are going to think about them, so they like to feign offense so other people don’t think that they’re inappropriate for laughing at something (Jim Norton Quotes) What’s the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester? (Jim Norton Quotes) The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it (Jim Norton Quotes) The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then (Jim Norton Quotes)