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Jimmy Carr Quotes

Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I’d stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service Picture Quote #1

Swimming is good for you, especially if you’re drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don’t die Picture Quote #1

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true Picture Quote #1

Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh Picture Quote #1

How many airports are there in the world? Picture Quote #1

Let’s face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine Picture Quote #1

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Throwing acid is wrong... in some people’s eyes Picture Quote #1

I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested Picture Quote #1

I pay what I have to and not a penny more Picture Quote #1

There’s things that I couldn’t joke about but other people could Picture Quote #1

When someone close to you dies, move seats Picture Quote #1

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray! Picture Quote #1

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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy Picture Quote #1

More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before Picture Quote #1

I don’t see myself as offending people Picture Quote #1

The tragedy for comedians is there’s nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It’s almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job Picture Quote #1

Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that’s partly down to confidence Picture Quote #1

It is such a social thing, laughing. Two thousand people in a room laughing is such a great buzz and they tend to laugh much more in a group Picture Quote #1

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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one Picture Quote #1

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog’s just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have Picture Quote #1

Even if you’re doing the national insurance awards, there’s still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums Picture Quote #1

You go, well you can’t joke about race. Well if you’re from a different race and that’s your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can’t talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that Picture Quote #1

You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face Picture Quote #1

When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church Picture Quote #1

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Boxers don’t have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don’t fancy each other Picture Quote #1

Like most of the world’s population I’m into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee Picture Quote #1

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea Picture Quote #1

I’m not being condescending, I’m too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn’t understand Picture Quote #1

I worry about my nan. If she’s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I’m joking, she’s dead Picture Quote #1

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny’s words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I’d stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service. (Jimmy Carr Quotes) Swimming is good for you, especially if you’re drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don’t die. (Jimmy Carr Quotes) A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true (Jimmy Carr Quotes) Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh (Jimmy Carr Quotes) How many airports are there in the world? (Jimmy Carr Quotes) Let’s face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine (Jimmy Carr Quotes) Throwing acid is wrong... in some people’s eyes (Jimmy Carr Quotes) I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested (Jimmy Carr Quotes) I pay what I have to and not a penny more (Jimmy Carr Quotes) There’s things that I couldn’t joke about but other people could (Jimmy Carr Quotes) When someone close to you dies, move seats (Jimmy Carr Quotes) British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray! (Jimmy Carr Quotes) The bigger the audience, the better with comedy (Jimmy Carr Quotes) More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before (Jimmy Carr Quotes) I don’t see myself as offending people (Jimmy Carr Quotes) The tragedy for comedians is there’s nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It’s almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job (Jimmy Carr Quotes) Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that’s partly down to confidence (Jimmy Carr Quotes) It is such a social thing, laughing. Two thousand people in a room laughing is such a great buzz and they tend to laugh much more in a group (Jimmy Carr Quotes) I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one (Jimmy Carr Quotes) I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog’s just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have (Jimmy Carr Quotes) Even if you’re doing the national insurance awards, there’s still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums (Jimmy Carr Quotes) You go, well you can’t joke about race. Well if you’re from a different race and that’s your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can’t talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that (Jimmy Carr Quotes) You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face (Jimmy Carr Quotes) When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church (Jimmy Carr Quotes) Boxers don’t have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don’t fancy each other (Jimmy Carr Quotes) Like most of the world’s population I’m into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee (Jimmy Carr Quotes) No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea (Jimmy Carr Quotes) I’m not being condescending, I’m too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn’t understand (Jimmy Carr Quotes) I worry about my nan. If she’s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I’m joking, she’s dead (Jimmy Carr Quotes) After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny’s words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead (Jimmy Carr Quotes)

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