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John Oliver Quotes

I know I’d be an absolutely horrendous politician Picture Quote #1

I’m British; pessimism is my wheelhouse Picture Quote #1

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring Picture Quote #1

I think I’m just a summer fling that people will soon forget Picture Quote #1

Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it Picture Quote #1

You’re sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent Picture Quote #1

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I don’t think I’m identified as the anchorman, I think I’m identified as the impostor anchorman - there’s a very clear line there ... I don’t think it changes the way they respond Picture Quote #1

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don’t think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor Picture Quote #1

I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love Picture Quote #1

I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don’t want to leave, so please don’t make me Picture Quote #1

I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don’t; please let me keep it Picture Quote #1

When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that’s easy to forget: They’re not joking Picture Quote #1

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I really love stand-up. I’m more than happy to do it for nothing. I’ve come to America to do it for nothing. It’s the American Dream: Work for free Picture Quote #1

I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas Picture Quote #1

I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It’s like whatever the opposite of a hug is Picture Quote #1

We in Britain stopped evolving gastronomically with the advent of the pie. Everything beyond that seemed like a brave, frightening new world. We knew the French were up to something across the Channel, but we didn’t want anything to do with it Picture Quote #1

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language’s most offensive C-word Picture Quote #1

Welcome to The Daily Show, I’m John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness Picture Quote #1

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The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator Picture Quote #1

I think Americans still can’t help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That’s why so many infomercials have British people Picture Quote #1

Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there’s just no shortcut - you just have to do it Picture Quote #1

If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion Picture Quote #1

There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn’t really matter anymore. I don’t have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled Picture Quote #1

I’m British. I don’t really have access to my emotions on a daily basis Picture Quote #1

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The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong Picture Quote #1

The only thing I’m nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven’t seen Picture Quote #1

Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends-- hey’re much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they’re in there Picture Quote #1

I’m not really much of an actor, so when I started on ‘The Daily Show,’ I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. Having a British accent definitely gave me a sonic leg up on that because there is a faux authority to the British accent in and of itself Picture Quote #1

I’ve said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That’s been a pretty good career decision, I think Picture Quote #1

Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I know I’d be an absolutely horrendous politician (John Oliver Quotes) I’m British; pessimism is my wheelhouse (John Oliver Quotes) If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring (John Oliver Quotes) I think I’m just a summer fling that people will soon forget (John Oliver Quotes) Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it (John Oliver Quotes) You’re sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent (John Oliver Quotes) I don’t think I’m identified as the anchorman, I think I’m identified as the impostor anchorman - there’s a very clear line there ... I don’t think it changes the way they respond (John Oliver Quotes) People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don’t think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor (John Oliver Quotes) I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love (John Oliver Quotes) I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don’t want to leave, so please don’t make me (John Oliver Quotes) I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don’t; please let me keep it (John Oliver Quotes) When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that’s easy to forget: They’re not joking (John Oliver Quotes) I really love stand-up. I’m more than happy to do it for nothing. I’ve come to America to do it for nothing. It’s the American Dream: Work for free (John Oliver Quotes) I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas (John Oliver Quotes) I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It’s like whatever the opposite of a hug is (John Oliver Quotes) We in Britain stopped evolving gastronomically with the advent of the pie. Everything beyond that seemed like a brave, frightening new world. We knew the French were up to something across the Channel, but we didn’t want anything to do with it (John Oliver Quotes) Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language’s most offensive C-word (John Oliver Quotes) Welcome to The Daily Show, I’m John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness (John Oliver Quotes) The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator (John Oliver Quotes) I think Americans still can’t help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That’s why so many infomercials have British people (John Oliver Quotes) Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there’s just no shortcut - you just have to do it (John Oliver Quotes) If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion (John Oliver Quotes) There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn’t really matter anymore. I don’t have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled (John Oliver Quotes) I’m British. I don’t really have access to my emotions on a daily basis (John Oliver Quotes) The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong. (John Oliver Quotes) The only thing I’m nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven’t seen. (John Oliver Quotes) Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends-- hey’re much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they’re in there. (John Oliver Quotes) I’m not really much of an actor, so when I started on ‘The Daily Show,’ I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. Having a British accent definitely gave me a sonic leg up on that because there is a faux authority to the British accent in and of itself. (John Oliver Quotes) I’ve said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That’s been a pretty good career decision, I think. (John Oliver Quotes) Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built. (John Oliver Quotes)

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