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John Oliver Quotes

Ads are baked into content like chocolate chips into a cookie. Except, it’s actually more like raisins into a cookie because no one [expletive] wants them there Picture Quote #1

Veterans’ issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually Picture Quote #1

Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I’ve ever been in. They’ve really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper Picture Quote #1

I’m not really much of an actor, so when I started on ‘The Daily Show’, I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson Picture Quote #1

People are always going to say stupid things, and you’re always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it’s the easiest thing Picture Quote #1

I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live Picture Quote #1

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As any Brit will understand, things get a little easier when you don’t have to be number one any more. Really, the fall of an empire is not as bad as everyone thinks. It’s like retirement. People fear retirement, but it can turn out be rather pleasant Picture Quote #1

My first ‘Daily Show’ piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I’d gotten the green card. I said, ‘I got my green card yesterday.’ And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief Picture Quote #1

Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively quit quitting. She can’t even commit to being uncommitted Picture Quote #1

When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it’s funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth Picture Quote #1

If you’ve been here, in New York, it has been dominated by the UN General Assembly, the annual event where delegates come from all over the world to f*** up this city’s traffic Picture Quote #1

News is not a game show. You don’t win a car if you happen to be right Picture Quote #1

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I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don’t; please let me keep it Picture Quote #1

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn’t be when it is literally your job Picture Quote #1

Having a human conversation is not something I’ve had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being Picture Quote #1

The disconnect between America and its military is shocking Picture Quote #1

Americans just don’t understand dry wit Picture Quote #1

Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you Picture Quote #1

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I can’t relax. I find vacations problematic Picture Quote #1

I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead Picture Quote #1

I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have Picture Quote #1

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn’t happen Picture Quote #1

I’ve always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy Picture Quote #1

People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character Picture Quote #1

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There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers Picture Quote #1

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death Picture Quote #1

You don’t need people’s opinion on a fact Picture Quote #1

Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people Picture Quote #1

Politics has become infused with narcissism in America Picture Quote #1

It’s pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Ads are baked into content like chocolate chips into a cookie. Except, it’s actually more like raisins into a cookie because no one [expletive] wants them there. (John Oliver Quotes) Veterans’ issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually. (John Oliver Quotes) Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I’ve ever been in. They’ve really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper. (John Oliver Quotes) I’m not really much of an actor, so when I started on ‘The Daily Show’, I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. (John Oliver Quotes) People are always going to say stupid things, and you’re always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it’s the easiest thing. (John Oliver Quotes) I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live (John Oliver Quotes) As any Brit will understand, things get a little easier when you don’t have to be number one any more. Really, the fall of an empire is not as bad as everyone thinks. It’s like retirement. People fear retirement, but it can turn out be rather pleasant. (John Oliver Quotes) My first ‘Daily Show’ piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I’d gotten the green card. I said, ‘I got my green card yesterday.’ And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief. (John Oliver Quotes) Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively quit quitting. She can’t even commit to being uncommitted. (John Oliver Quotes) When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it’s funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth. (John Oliver Quotes) If you’ve been here, in New York, it has been dominated by the UN General Assembly, the annual event where delegates come from all over the world to f*** up this city’s traffic. (John Oliver Quotes) News is not a game show. You don’t win a car if you happen to be right. (John Oliver Quotes) I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don’t; please let me keep it. (John Oliver Quotes) You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn’t be when it is literally your job. (John Oliver Quotes) Having a human conversation is not something I’ve had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being. (John Oliver Quotes) The disconnect between America and its military is shocking (John Oliver Quotes) Americans just don’t understand dry wit (John Oliver Quotes) Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you (John Oliver Quotes) I can’t relax. I find vacations problematic (John Oliver Quotes) I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead (John Oliver Quotes) I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have (John Oliver Quotes) I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn’t happen (John Oliver Quotes) I’ve always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy (John Oliver Quotes) People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character (John Oliver Quotes) There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers (John Oliver Quotes) British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death (John Oliver Quotes) You don’t need people’s opinion on a fact (John Oliver Quotes) Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people (John Oliver Quotes) Politics has become infused with narcissism in America (John Oliver Quotes) It’s pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa (John Oliver Quotes)

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